“Fuck you! Don’t hope nice things for me right now. I’m mad at you! I don’t deserve this from you!”

I froze, wondering if she meant more than just being ignored.

“Say something!” Finley’s voice broke, and then she began to sniffle.

I wrinkled my nose. “Are you crying? Don’t cry, Fin, I’m sorry.”

“Why won’t you talk to me?” she cried. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. You didn’t do anything. I just didn’t want to ruin your vacation. I didn’t want you to feel guilty, and I didn’t want you to worry.”

“You’ve failed on all counts!”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry!” she snapped. “I want you to answer your fucking phone when I call!”

“Okay,” I said. “I will.”

“You promise?” She was calmer now, taking a deep breath.

“I promise. I’ll answer when you call … if I’m not working.”

“What are you doing, anyway? Mother said you’re a secretary or photographer or something for the magazine there.”

“Yes.”

“Are you using the camera I bought you?”

I could hear her smiling. She had already forgiven me. She didn’t know about Sterling, and when she found out, she would remember this conversation and feel even more betrayed. All I wanted to do was get off the phone, but that would only make her suspicious.

“I am. It’s a really good camera, Fin, thanks.”

Finley didn’t talk for a few seconds. “I feel like I’m talking to a stranger.”

“It’s me,” I said.

“No, it’s not you. You’ve changed.”

“I’m sober.”

She breathed out a laugh. “How is that going?”

“Well, actually. Well … one fuck-up. How’s Sanya?”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve been in Bali the last three weeks.”

“How’s Bali?”

“Beautiful. I’m coming back to the States to see you.”

I panicked. “I miss you, Fin, but I’m traveling a lot with this job. I’m following around the interagency hotshots, and we’re all over the place until early October.”

“The hotshots? As in Tyler’s crew?”

“Yes.”

“You’re fucking him, aren’t you?”

“Occasionally.”

“I knew it!” She giggled.

I was going to miss this Finley, the one who was never shocked, and who always let my misdeeds slide off her shoulders. Finley always made excuses for me; she led me around life holding my hand, and bossed me around without a second thought because that was what older sisters did.

No matter how much I wanted to prevent it, there would come a time when we would be sisters but no longer friends. Even if Finley forgave me, she would forever feel the pain of my betrayal and never know if she could trust me again.