“I valued our friendship too much to risk losing it. This was all before my mother died. We talked about everything from ice cream flavors to saving the planet. At school we used to message each other all the time. Have you seen this, and Guess what just happened. And then after my mother died there was a night when I was so scared of my own thoughts that I didn’t want to be home on my own with them. I called him and he came right over, because that’s the kind of person he is, and he stayed and one thing led to another. I guess my mother would have called it a mistake.” It didn’t feel hard at all to be saying this, but maybe that was because Joanna was one of those rare people who listened really carefully, actually hearing what you said rather than waiting for a gap to express an opinion.

“And did it feel like a mistake to you?”

“No.” The worst night of her life had ended up feeling like the best. How could something that had felt so right possibly be wrong? She’d been at rock bottom, and he’d been there for her. “That was the night I knew for sure I loved him. I didn’t say anything, though. I didn’t have a clue how he felt. Still don’t. Yeah, we spent the night together but I was a big emotional mess and it’s not like he said I love you or anything. I didn’t want to risk losing him as a friend, so I pretended nothing had changed.” They’d been friends forever until that night, and now she wasn’t sure what they were. “I didn’t mean to get pregnant, though.” When she’d first found out her reaction had been joy, then panic. But the joy had been there, even if only for a moment. She’d thought, I’m not alone anymore, and she’d also felt the pressure of responsibility, and a terrifying awareness that she was now an adult even though she’d had no training and felt unqualified.

“Jon doesn’t know you’re pregnant?”

“No.” Ashley felt a twinge of guilt when she thought of the messages on her phone. She needed to listen to those messages. She needed to call him. But she didn’t know what to say. “I will tell him, but I have to figure out the right time. I guess I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my best friend. I grew up with him.” She saw Joanna’s expression change. “What? What did I say?”

“Nothing. Go on.”

“Well, that’s it, really. He was almost like a brother.” Brother? Who was she kidding?

Joanna was obviously wondering the same thing. “Did he feel like a brother?”