She half expected to see people gathering at her gates, but there was no one. But they would come. Her whereabouts had been plastered all over the internet.

And now she needed to stop thinking about Nate, and think about how she could best protect Ashley.

She’d imagined a future where their lives were intertwined, where she spent her days caring for the baby. She’d imagined them as a family.

It wasn’t only Nate who would be exposed to this; Ashley would be, too. And Ashley’s baby. And Rosa, Vivian, Mary-Lou, Mel, Greg—the list was endless.

She’d been lonely for so long, loneliness had become normal. If you did something for long enough, you forgot there was another way. Somewhere along the way she’d lost the ability to imagine an alternative, but now she was living the alternative and the thought of giving that up and going back to the lean, emotionally sparse life she’d led before made her want to cry. For the first time in ages she felt as if she was part of something. Connected. She didn’t want to lose that.

But what could she do? She loved these people, and when you loved someone you wanted to protect them.

She didn’t want this for any of them, but she especially didn’t want it for the baby.

Maybe the best thing she could do for Ashley wasn’t to babysit, but to set her up somewhere far from Joanna.

Maybe the best thing she could do for this community was leave it again.

The gates closed behind her. She felt a thickening in her throat and the hot burn of tears behind her eyes.

That short, sweet taste of freedom had made it harder to go back to her old way of life.

She’d started to make connections, and now she was going to have to cut them again.

She’d turn up at the Beach Bookstore in the morning because she’d promised Mary-Lou that she would and she would never break a promise to a friend. She’d help for as long as Mary-Lou and Vivian needed her, but she knew that it would be a temporary thing. Who would want Joanna Whitman and all her baggage working for them permanently?

She couldn’t, wouldn’t, pull anyone else into this.

24

Ashley

Ashley woke suddenly, and heard the sound of Joanna’s bedroom door closing.

Half-asleep, she checked the time and saw that it was a little after six.

What was Joanna doing coming home at this hour when she’d stayed the night with Nate?

That wasn’t good, was it?

Maybe they’d had a fight.