“The truth is that Cliff probably would have slept with your mother, anyway. But that’s beside the point.” Joanna paused again, as if recounting the story was a challenge she wasn’t quite up to. “A sharp-eyed journalist saw the two of them out together, having dinner in a place they probably thought was sufficiently out of the way and unfashionable that they wouldn’t be noticed or recognized. But someone, somewhere, always recognized Cliff. It was something he enjoyed. He expected it. He believed recognition to be a mark of success. But it had its downsides, one of which was his inability to blend in. It was almost impossible for him to keep a low profile.”

Cliff. Her father. This was her real father they were talking about and she couldn’t get her head around it.

Joanna carried on talking. “The publication that ran the story rang me for a comment. Cliff denied it. Said it was work. A business meeting. The woman—your mother—worked at a venue they were using as a location for filming. I didn’t believe him.”

Ashley had a clear image of how that encounter might have played out.

Are you having an affair?

No, of course not.

“My mother told me that back then she sometimes worked freelance for an events company. Waitressing, that kind of thing. It was extra money.”

Joanna barely reacted. “A few days later I lost the baby.”

Without thinking Ashley pressed her palm to her flat belly. She hadn’t thought the story could make her feel worse. She’d been wrong. “I’m sorry.” Already she felt fiercely protective toward the baby she was carrying. “I read about your miscarriage.” But she hadn’t understood until now how awful it must be to have the most personal details of your life made public.

Joanna stared at the calm water of the pool. “It was my darkest, lowest moment. Cliff was wonderful and I stopped caring whether that rumor was true or not because I needed him badly. Nothing mattered to me except the baby. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t stop crying. People kept telling me that miscarriages were common, but I’d lost a child. I was bereft. Cliff was there for me. He didn’t leave my side.” Joanna gave a wan smile. “And now, looking back, I wonder how much of it was guilt, but at the time I needed him too much to question his motives. I ignored the rumors. I ignored the stories about your mother, and the photos. Even if it was true, it was over, that’s what I told myself. Except it wasn’t over. Because she was pregnant, too, only I didn’t know that at the time.”

“That was me. She was pregnant with me.” Ashley felt as if her heart was being squeezed. “I feel guilty for existing.”