She wanted to relax. She wanted to be calm. She wanted to tell Joanna everything, but how could she?

If she’d known that being an adult was this hard, she wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to grow up. And now she had no choice.

She pressed her hand to her flat belly and mentally promised her baby that although she hadn’t been the best mother up to this point, she was going to do better.

“You should eat something. There’s fresh melon, berries and—” Joanna settled the tray on Ashley’s legs. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Ashley forced the word from her thickened throat. Why was she so emotional? She had to stop. She had to think about the baby.

She felt the bed shift as Joanna sat down.

“Are you feeling unwell? I can call a doctor.”

“No.” Ashley didn’t want a doctor. She wanted to start her life over, without all the lies and mistakes. And because the guilt and anxiety was too huge to contain, it finally spilled over. “I wish I’d never got into his car. I wish I’d never met him.”

Joanna reached across and pulled a tissue from the box by the bed. “You’re not the first woman to feel that way about Cliff, I assure you.” She handed Ashley the tissue and she took it, mortified.

“Did you?”

“About a million times.” Joanna gave a wry smile. “Try and forget it for now. I suspect you’re very tired, and being tired always makes things seem worse.”

“My mom used to say that. She used to tell me that good sleep was one of the most important things a person could do for themselves. She was always telling me to stop looking at my phone, stop messaging friends in the middle of the night.” Thinking about her mother made Ashley feel worse so she tried to stop that, too. There were so many things she couldn’t think about, she was struggling to find a safe topic.

Joanna hesitated. “I’m sorry you lost her.”

Ashley was sorry, too. She was sorry about a lot of things.

“It’s been tough. Not that I’m making excuses or anything, but I’ve had a totally crap year.”

Joanna said nothing and Ashley felt mortified. Joanna’s year had been crap, too. In fact, much of her life had been crap. How must she be feeling? She’d seemed really stressed on the drive. Ashley had seen her gripping the steering wheel until her fingers went white and exhaling slowly as if she was having to work hard to keep herself under control.

Was she still grieving for Cliff? The whole divorce thing had to make it complicated, didn’t it? And the affairs. Still, twenty years—Ashley couldn’t get her head around all the emotions that could be locked inside Joanna.