“The good stuff?” Joanna leaned against the counter and kept one eye on the pan. “He had more charisma than anyone I’ve ever met. When he talked to you he made you feel as if you were the only person in the room. He was a good listener, and he was a born entertainer.”

“He liked the attention.”

“A little too much.” Joanna paused. “But he had his reasons for that. Cliff had a tough childhood. He never talked about it much, he tried to put it behind him, but I know his father was abusive. It was just the two of them, and Cliff had to fight his way out of that situation. He cooked because if he didn’t, then they didn’t eat. And he discovered he was good at it. He drove himself hard, and some of that was because of his childhood. It was survival. But it was also about proving something to himself. And he never felt as if he’d done enough. Never felt secure. He was running from his past, but he never felt he could stop running. He needed constant reassurance, adulation—love.”

She’d seen Cliff as this remote, public figure. It was strange to think of him as a human being with a whole life she knew nothing about.

“You think that was why he had affairs?”

“I think it contributed. People do things for a reason. The past shapes all of us.”

She thought about her own experiences. “I guess it does. You think that was why he wasn’t interested in me? Because of his own childhood?”

Joanna thought for a moment. “I suspect he was scared. Scared that he might have some of his own father in him. Scared that he might mess you up the way he’d been messed up. But he was also selfish. He’d had to look after himself for so long he wasn’t used to putting anyone else first.”

“Right.” Her image of Cliff had shifted and changed in her head, and her feelings had shifted, too. Her anger and hurt were blunted by the reminder that he’d been human, that he’d been dealing with things just like everyone else. “Thanks for telling me that. It helps.”

“Good.” Joanna smiled. “Now can we talk about cheese? I’m still waiting for you to tell me about cheese. Whether I can make this with any cheese.” Joanna glanced at her. “You’re crying! Why are you crying?”

“Because you—” Ashley flung her arms around her and after a moment felt Joanna hug her back.

“Is this a test?” Her voice was thickened. “Are you trying to see what it takes to make me burn the food?”