okay. umm, what else? ahh…when i heard he’d left his position at school—this was by a fluke, anyway, i was at the general office during the summer, which was not that far from our house, bringing them a vaccination report on my brother, and the lady there, the secretary, said, “oh, i heard about your arts and sciences teacher at gardner,” my school, “we’re sure sorry to lose him, aren’t we?”—i didn’t hear much else, really, just that she said, “well, i suppose they need good teachers in phoenix as much as they do anywhere…” (BEAT) but i didn’t ask for an address or anything, i didn’t, because i was standing there, in that office, suddenly standing there, fourteen years old with a baby in me and this woman yacking on about my brother needing a german measles booster, and did i know if he’d had one yet, and i was frozen in time. ’s like the heavens had opened above me, at that very second, and all i could hear was the universe, this woman in front of me talking on like i was her godchild and all i could make out was the howl of the cosmos…and you know what? it was laughing, it was. all it’s attention was suddenly turned and it was laughing, laughing down at me…

she stops and slowly lights another cigarette.