i, umm…found out about the baby, that i was going to have one, in late april, the 23rd, i guess, and i didn’t cry. i should’ve, fucking kid myself, you know, but sometimes you can go along, years even, and not feel like you’re growing up at all, and then there’s times when you age a ton, like, in a couple ’a seconds, you know? so, i found out and went straight to his place, i mean, called first, but went there and we discussed it all. talked a long time… (BEAT) we talked, like i said, and, you know, he seemed, and this caught me, ‘cause i didn’t know what he’d think, but he was all excited! not yelling, or all adult and shit, and said he loved children, could think of nothing better than having a son or something, said we’d have to be careful— i mean, we both understood the situation—but i promised him i wouldn’t tell anybody who the father was, no matter if my dad got really shitty about it—and he did, believe me—or school, or whatever, i said i’d keep our secret…we made a pledge together, there on his sofa, and i kept it. (BEAT) he told me that day, he said he had to go away for a couple weeks, just the end of summer, he was finishing up another of his degrees at delphi, that’s a university, and then we’d, you know, make some plans. (BEAT) that was hard, ’cause i was scared, i’m not gonna pretend i wasn’t, but getting his degree was a big thing, and could help us, too, he said…and so we talked for awhile, and we kissed, god, you know for being this big guy, he was really gentle to me…and then i went home. i went to my house with our baby inside me, and watched hogan’s heroes on tv, like i did every afternoon. i mean, what else are you gonna do, right? (BEAT) i just need a little water…

she pours a touch more into her cup and sips.