“Dothey? Please. My answering machine started smoking from recording so many messages. I’ve received telegrams, sing-a-grams, flowers, wedding catalogs, honeymoon packages, fertility packages…I even got a call from the producers of Ricki Lake wanting me to be a guest on one of her shows called ‘Happy to be hitched.’ Good morning, happy holidays. Good morning.”

“If you thought the pressure was on before, now you can multiply it by ten. But look on the bright side. It takes pressure to make a diamond. Girl, you got to drill deep to hit oil, and sift through a lot of fool’s gold before you find real gold.”

“Yeah, but how much sifting before you find it? How much drilling before you strike it? And how much pressure ruins a good stone that could have been an even better diamond?”

“Come on now, Montana, now is not the time to get yourself down. Next week, maybe, but not now. You still have seven days left and you’ve already seen three out of the five. There had to have been something good about somebody . They all couldn’t have been a hundred percent bad.” I looked at Gail and rolled my eyes. “Come on now, girl, they can’t be all that bad. Try looking through my Rolodex. Trust me, you’ll gain a much greater appreciation for the word ‘bad.’ Happy holidays, welcome aboard.”

“Okay, so maybe they’re not all bad. But mostly bad.”

“What about the guy in New York? He was cool, right?”

“Yeah, he’s cool. He’s fun. He’s ambitious. But there are two things you’re guaranteed to have with Damon. One is a whole lot of drama.”

“How much drama?”

“Emmy Award–winning drama. Number one–rated drama.ER and The West Wing kind of drama. In my twenties, I could’ve handled it, but right about now, I don’t have the time or the energy.”

“I hear you. Well, what’s the second thing?”

“Oh, the other thing is sex. With Damon you can always count on some sex. Not just sex, but great sex.”

“How great?”

“Like Tony the Tiger—grrrrreeeeaaaat!”

“Ooh, girl, like that?”

“Allthat. Actually, Damon is probably going to make some woman a good husband one day. Unfortunately, not one day soon. And certainly not in one week.”

“Okay, how about the brother in D.C. The congressman? You know, D.C. got it going on when it comes to brothers.”

“They do. Their only problem is that they know they have it going on, and they let every woman in town know that they know. On paper Langston is perfect. He’s successful. Articulate. Upwardly mobile. He’s in demand. He’s in the mix. But unfortunately, he’s in love.”

“With who?”

“Himself. Oh, and Juicy.”

“Juicy? Who’s that?”

“His other woman. A woman who has been trained to obey.”

“What kind of name is Juicy for a woman?”