—JOSHUA HARMON

August 2016

P.S. The book is finally going to press in April 2017. And he won. There’s nothing much to say about it, I suppose, except, pray for us.

The world premiere of Bad Jews was produced in New York City by Roundabout Theatre Company (Todd Haimes, Artistic Director, Harold Wolpert, Managing Director, Julia C. Levy, Executive Director) as part of Roundabout Underground at the Harold and Miriam Steinberg Center for Theatre on October 30, 2012.

The Off-Broadway premiere was produced in New York City by Roundabout Theatre Company (Todd Haimes, Artistic Director, Harold Wolpert, Managing Director, Julia C. Levy, Executive Director) at the Laura Pels Theatre at the Harold and Miriam Steinberg Center for Theatre on September 19, 2013.

Director Daniel Aukin

CAST

Characters

DAPHNA FEYGENBAUM, 22, Liam & Jonah’s first cousin. 2/3 body, 1/3 hair. Thick, intense, curly, frizzy, long brown hair. Hair that clogs a drain after one shower. Hair you find on pillows and in corners of the room and in your refrigerator six months after the head from which it grew last visited. Hair that could not be straightened even if you had four hours and three hairdressers double-fisting blow driers. Hair that screams: Jew.

LIAM HABER, 25, Daphna’s cousin: his mother is the sister of Daphna’s father. Wire-rim glasses. U of Chicago Asian studies Ph.D. student. Former Fulbright scholar in Japan. Has as much of a sense of humor as an overdue library book.

JONAH HABER, 21, Liam’s younger brother. Sometime-UVM sophomore. Less lanky than his brother. Less brainy. More brawn. More heart.

MELODY, 24, Liam’s girlfriend. Short, stick-straight blonde hair. Which she wears with a barrette. To be extra cute. Mousy. She looks like someone who would have been abducted when she was nine but returned to her parents unharmed. Works for a non-profit.

March. Not quite winter, not quite spring.

A studio apartment on the Upper West Side. A pull-out sofa (which is pulled out), a full air mattress, which has been inflated, and a twin air mattress, which has not been set-up. Guests are coming, preparations have been made.

JONAH, in boxers, black socks and a button down, sits cross legged, playing a video game. His suit jacket and pants are balled up somewhere in the room.

After a Moment, he hits pause. Beat. Then he stands up and presses his forehead against the window, which looks out on the Hudson River.

The bathroom door opens, which sends JONAH back to his video game. DAPHNA FEYGENBAUM emerges from the bathroom in pajamas.

DAPHNA

I’m sorry but I still, I mean— you can see the Hudson River! From the bathroom! This apartment …

Really, Jonah? Boxers and black socks? Is that supposed to do it for me?

Let me— I would never want you to do it for me, you’re my cousin and, gross. Just, like, if you’re at all interested in people of the opposite sex who are not your cousins?