JONAH

Daphna, don’t.

DAPHNA

Over my dead Jewish corpse is that going on her. You wanna marry a non-Jew? Knock yourself out. Have a great time. Shicksa heaven. Best wishes. But Poppy’s chai is never going around her neck. Never ever never ever ever.

LIAM

Unfortunately, Diana, that’s not something you have a say in.

DAPHNA

Actually, it is!

LIAM

Actually, it isn’t.

MELODY

Baby.

DAPHNA

Jonah. Jonah, is that what you want for Poppy’s chai?

JONAH

I’m not getting involved—

DAPHNA

You’re involved Jonah. You’re involved. This is our grandfather. This is Poppy. You can’t not get involved because you get freaked out. You’re involved. Do you want Poppy’s chai to go to someone who isn’t one of the three of us? Honestly think about that.

Do you?

Beat. (This is the longest beat in the play.)

JONAH

No.

Beat.

DAPHNA

Thank you. Thank you. You don’t get to do this. Two to one. Go get a ring. Ok? But you don’t get to give away things that don’t belong to you, you don’t—

LIAM

If he didn’t want it to belong to me, then why do I have this?

LIAM takes Poppy’s chai out of his pocket. DAPHNA was not prepared for this. Stunned, she watches him move toward MELODY.

LIAM

(To MELODY.)

I’m sorry. I tried. I really, really tried and I promise I will do a better job next time. I promise. Ok? Being with you makes me want to try harder— I wanted to do this in Aspen but—

DAPHNA

Wait. Wait. Just— You can’t do this.

LIAM

Watch me.

DAPHNA

Just hear me out. Please. Just— How can you do this, when you have seen the numbers on your own grandfather’s arm?

LIAM

Do NOT holocaust me—

DAPHNA

Don’t you know what— don’t you see how this little object is— don’t you care?, that if you put that around her neck, you’re killing something.

LIAM

Killing something?

DAPHNA

Something that matters.

LIAM

It doesn’t matter.

DAPHNA

You are Poppy’s grandson. You know it matters.

LIAM

Not to me.

DAPHNA

You’re getting a Ph.D. in cultural studies!

LIAM

So?

DAPHNA

So culture matters! Who people are, matters. Look at the Nobel Prizes— look at how disproportionately Jewish people have achieved in economics, literature, science—

LIAM

Are we really gonna do chosen people talk? Really?

DAPHNA

22%! That’s the percentage of Nobel Prize winners who are Jewish.

LIAM

Now you’re memorizing Jewish statistics? Fuck.

DAPHNA

Do you know what our global population is? It’s not 22%, not even close.

LIAM

So in the hopes of more Jews winning Nobel Prizes I should marry a Jew? Is that seriously your point?

DAPHNA

No my point is, play this out. You get married, you two get married and you have kids, so they’re half-Jewish and half-Delaware. And that kid marries someone who is Asian, and they have a kid, so that kid is a quarter Jewish, a quarter Delaware, and half Asian, and that kid marries someone who is half-black and half-Puerto Rican and they have a kid, and so that kid is—