Philomena    Goodness! They are very strong arms. Feel the muscles in Raymond’s arms, Charlie.

Raymond flexes his muscles and smiles at Philomena, then looks half hopefully at Charles.

Philomena    Go on, Charlie.

Charles    What?

Philomena    Feel his muscles.

Charles    I don’t want to feel his muscles!

Bert    . . . So Ray grabs this cocksucker by the balls and won’t let go till this asshole – this fucken strongman – starts squealin like a short-changed Times Square hooker.

Philomena and Charles look at Raymond in admiration.

Charles    Is that true, Raymond? You bested a big chap?

Bert    Not just a fucken big chap, Charles; that limp-wristed waiter faggot who won’t bring over more fucken wine is a big chap. We’re talkin Big Jim Murdock, who’s as much a fucken giant to the likes of those waiter cocksuckers as they are to you. Wichita, ’twenty-nine, right, Ray?

Raymond    It’s true that I have been known to stand up to bullies. It’s also true that I do have an exceptionally strong grip. However . . . I am an actor and if truth be known I don’t particularly like to dwell on my physical achievements. But . . . well, Kowalski, you seem intent on trying to needle me.

Raymond grabs Bert’s hand and Bert prepares for a bout of arm-wrestling but Raymond starts to squeeze. Bert is clearly in some discomfort.

Bert    Chrissakes, Ray –

Raymond    I have to say though, Mr Kowalski, that on this particular occasion you are mistaken . . .

Raymond increases the pressure on Bert’s hand.

Bert    I – fuck, Ray –

Raymond    . . . I wasn’t in Wichita in nineteen twenty-nine.

Bert    OK! OK!

Raymond    Do you understand, Kowalski?

Bert    Yep, yep! Leggo my goddam –

Raymond    I’m so glad that we understand each other. It will make our stay together so much more civilised.

Incidentally, you haven’t seen a pair of gold cufflinks in the room, have you?

Bert    I don’t know nothing bout no cufflinks –

Raymond    I’m sure you’d inform me if you came across them.

Bert    I would, I fucken would . . . please . . .

Raymond releases his grip as Bert gasps and wrings out his hand.

Bert    Jesus Christ . . .

Raymond    Now that this little misunderstanding has been cleared up, I must now turn my attention to getting myself more appropriately cast – and Miss Kinsella suitably billeted, of course.

Philomena    Oh, Raymond . . . you really think you’d be able to do that?

Raymond    Mervyn LeRoy I would count as – I would consider – and I can say this of perhaps only a handful of people in my acquaintance – as a close personal friend. I would also be failing in my duty if I stood by while an honourable and decent young lady (looks to Bert) was forced to remain in proximity to the morally questionable.

Philomena    Oh thank you, thank you so much, Raymond . . .

Raymond sees something from the corner of his eye.