Pause.

TOM: I could build myself up.

MEG: Well…

TOM: Yes. I could build myself up. Do a Charles Atlas course. Would that help?

MEG: It might.

TOM: I’ll do it.

MEG: Are you really as sick as that?

TOM: Not today, not today.

MEG: If you could have seen your face before. Are you afraid?

TOM: You coming to the concert tonight?

MEG: Will I get in?

TOM: Front row. You won’t let them find out, will you?

MEG: I swear.

TOM: Go on then, swear.

MEG: Oh… blast! I’ll see you at the concert.

She goes.

TOM: Hey!

She stops. He starts to do push-ups, laughing. She watches him. When he looks up again she’s gone. He lies on his back and covers his face with his hands, lies there for a moment. CORAL comes in with an armful of wood.

CORAL: Will this be enough?

TOM: For kindling.

CORAL: Oh. I’m not a pyromaniac, so I wasn’t sure how much you’ll need.

TOM: Come on, we’ll make a real effort. Then you’ve got lines to learn.

CORAL: I’ll bet Kim Novak has more than an afternoon to get into a part. You’re not feeling… sick or anything? Tired?

TOM: No. Come on.

They go.

SCENE THREE

The amateur night. An MC appears in a spotlight. He is dressed as a hula girl. He is carrying a ukulele.

MC: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? Eh? ‘Here come the elephants!’ How do you fit four elephants in a Mini Minor? Easy. Two in the front and two in the back. Here’s a trick one. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming with sunglasses on?

VIC: ‘Here come the elephants!’

MC: No, he didn’t say anything ’cos he didn’t recognise them. Ha ha ha. Now—why did the elephants cross the road? Give up? It was the chook’s day off. Ha ha ha.

He begins to play the ukulele

Pearly shells, by the ocean,

Lying in the sun, covering the shore.

When I see them, my heart tells me that I love you

More than all those little pearly shell.

For every grain of sand upon the shore

I’ve got a kiss for you.

And I’ve got more left over than each star

That twinkles in the blue.

Pearly shells, by the ocean etc.

Don’t applaud, just throw money, ha ha ha. Now to round off the concert tonight we’ve got something a little different from what we usually have, but one year without hokey-pokey won’t kill you, will it? Will it?

ALL: Noooo.