Faith steps up on Serenity’s other side and hoists another arm over her shoulders. Mei pushes a stand of hair out of her face and leaves a smear of blood on her forehead. Her hands are trembling. Serenity’s coughs leave droplets of blood across her clothes and the floor.

Mei glances my way. “Go find Grace. Tell her what’s going on.”

The words push through the terror, and I nod. “I will.”

When they start half walking, half carrying Serenity in the direction of the infirmary, I clear my throat and add, “I’ll clean up the blood too.” It seems like a sensible thing to do. Like washing our hands. Like staying where there’s food and cover.

I don’t know if it makes a difference. I don’t know what the right choices are. I don’t know if we’ve already made far too many mistakes.

But I can’t go back. This is all I am now, and if I’m staying here amid this whole forsaken mess, I need a purpose. No one can promise us we’ll survive. The best we can hope for is to go out fighting.

Or cleaning, as the case may be.

Can we get sick from touching other people’s clothes? Can we get sick from running our hands over the same door handles? Are we doomed for breathing in the same air?

This is what plague smells like. Chlorine and sweat.

I can bleach the blood stains, but I can’t scrub away the fear.

Twelve

Logan

No one tells me what to do. I wash up in the bathroom, and then I stay outside the infirmary. Inside is too dangerous, but I cannot be without Leah. I do not know how to be. I do not want to be either.

I pace, first. Then I find a place to stand. My hands flap against my legs, and I rock back and forth on my heels. Every time I do, the soles of my shoes squeak on the floor. I stare at the dark-blue door to the infirmary.

Casey showed up at the door once before, when the girls carried Serenity Jones to the infirmary. She was quieter than I’ve ever seen her. If it hadn’t been for the trembling rise and fall of her chest, she might’ve been gone already. Mei carried her to the doorstep and pounded on the door until Casey opened up. She immediately took a step back when he helped Serenity in.

It nagged at me that she assumed Casey would stay in the infirmary. Like he made that choice once he carried Leah in, and now he wouldn’t be able to go back. He didn’t challenge it though. He simply helped Serenity cross the threshold and closed the door behind him.

When he opens the door again, he’s paler. He pulls down the cloth he’s bound in front of his mouth and stands on the threshold for a small eternity, staring at me, and at the hallway, as if to muster the courage to walk out.