“Here are some proven ways to enjoy your partner while maintaining an abstinent lifestyle,” Ms. Conner said. She pointed at the slide behind her that had a picture of a couple holding hands. “Hand-holding can be a very emotionally connecting and satisfying experience.”

A few more barely contained laughs and groans came from the mass of students in the rows behind us, and Ms. Conner cleared her throat. I almost felt bad for her. This ridiculous presentation wasn’t hers; it was Tanner’s. She was simply the one forced to present it.

“This”—she glanced at Dean—“is a video Principal Tanner has put together to show more examples of safe ways to enjoy your partner. Like hugging and high-fiving.”

Dean clicked another button, and a video popped up on the screen.

Abstinence: The Wilmont Way and How to Uphold It displayed in thick white letters, and a classic Bach song played in the background. Then the video faded to black, and the music instantly transitioned to a bow-chica-wow-wow tune straight out of every cheesy romantic movie ever.

A couple appeared on the screen—two vampires from a popular show. My jaw practically came unhinged as I watched the sexy af male vamp throw the blond against a wall. She hooked her legs around his hips while he kissed the breath out of her.

A startled gasp rolled through the audience like a tidal wave—myself included—as we watched a compilation of the hottest make-out scenes from every hit show currently on television.

One blink and the scene transitioned to a new couple kissing and sighing while a steamy shower soaked the little clothes they had on.

Another flash—sighs and kisses and moans.

Over. And. Over.

Ms. Conner dropped her note cards. Principal Tanner nearly slipped on them as he hurried over to Dean, the purple vein in his forehead damn near ready to pop. The fury rolling off him was enough to shake Dean out of his shock, and he quickly axed the video, the screen returning to white.

Dean held up his hands like Tanner had come at him with a loaded gun. “All I did was hit play on the video you had on here,” he said, his voice barely audible over the laughter and chatter rippling through the crowd.

And that much had to be true. Principal Tanner would’ve already had the video on his personal computer he’d given Dean to hook up to the projector. Dean was good, one of the best, but there was no way he could’ve switched out the videos that fast. Someone must have broken into the principal’s computer before the assembly. Which technically could’ve been Dean, but I highly doubted it. He was smarter than that. If he wanted to prank the principal, he’d do it without a trace.