Mom chuckled. “No, baby, it doesn’t. It sounds like it should be.”

“I didn’t understand. Before. With Brandon. He was nice in the beginning, and hell, he still acts indifferent toward me. Like nothing happened. But there was never this sense of urgency with him. Not like I have with Dean. Like…” Like I can’t breathe until I see or talk to him again. Like I want him to keep trying despite how much time I need to adjust.

“I see it,” she said, not needing me to say it all out loud.

“But I’m scared.” Something I would never admit to anyone other than my mom. Hannah knew what had happened, but she saw me as the strong girl who was swearing off boys because of it. Not the terrified girl who never wanted to get blindsided again.

“I know,” she said, running her fingers through my hair. “I wish I could tell you that feeling will go away soon, but I can’t. I’m afraid you’ll always have that worry in the back of your mind. That voice that warns you to be careful around people. But…” She sighed. “You can’t let what happened define you. You can let it define the time you need to let someone in again.” She smiled softly. “I’m so damn proud of you, honey.”

The night it happened, I’d sobbed in her arms and asked her if I’d done something wrong. If I was broken because I couldn’t simply let him do what he wanted.

“You are such an amazing, smart girl,” she continued. “And you don’t have to do a damn thing you don’t want to do.”

“I know,” I said. “But what if I do? Want to.”

Mom pressed her lips together, nodding. “Then you listen to your heart and your gut. Just like you did before. It felt wrong. It was wrong.”

I recoiled.

That night. He said I was wrong.

He still felt that I was the one who had betrayed him.

“You listen to those instincts and they’ll let you know.” She eyed me. “And if they scream yes, then…” She shifted on the bed, her eyebrows raised. “You better be safe. You’re still taking the—”

“Mom,” I groaned. “Yes.” I was still taking the pill she’d helped me get on all those months ago because I didn’t want to deal with the side effects if I got off it, but I knew for certain there was no need for it. “I literally cried when he tried to kiss me today. I’m not even to that level yet.”

She waved her hands in the air. “It can happen fast. Especially when you’re already friends with the person. Trust me, I would know.”

I tilted my head.