FashionIsLife229 says: “I recently went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Now he’s asking for it all the time. Do I have to do it again? I liked it, but it’s not like I want to do it every single time I see him. Am I a bad boyfriend if I don’t want to? Am I worse if I want him to return the favor sometimes? Is there anything I can do to make it more…fun for me, too?”

You might be surprised how many similar questions I have like this in my inbox. So many people worry if they say no or that they aren’t in the mood, they won’t be upholding their partner duties. I’m not sure when or where this rumor got started, but being a good partner doesn’t equate to doing whatever the other person wants regardless of if you want to.

For instance, if you wanted to watch your favorite show (one he doesn’t particularly enjoy) every single time your boyfriend was over, I doubt he’d be up for it. Would you be angry with him for saying no? Unlikely.

Example too G-rated? Okay. Fair enough.

How about this. Say you enjoyed doing a keg stand at a party last week. Does that mean you have to do one every time you go to a party? Would your friends or boyfriend be upset with you if you didn’t? Probably not.

Need to turn the tables? All right. What if your boyfriend bought your dinner on your first date but not the second? Would you break up with him over that? Be upset with him? I doubt it.

You never have to do anything. Especially when you’re not in the mood or don’t feel comfortable doing it.

As for making it more of a fun act for you, I’d suggest slowing it down—and no, I’m not suggesting going abstinent like our school would like you to. What I mean is, take the pressure off the act. Know that what you’re doing is a super-intimate thing between the two of you and that is huge for a relationship. Maybe going to completion is what throws you off—if that’s the case, only take it as far as you’re enjoying it and then switch it up to something else. And make sure he’s giving you the attention you deserve, too.

Either way, talking to your boyfriend about it is the best course of action. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand, and the two of you can figure out other ways to enjoy each other’s company.

On the off chance he gives you hell over it? You might want to consider cutting him loose. A selfish partner is not worth your time or energy, and they’ll likely only hurt you in the end anyway.