It’s a moment in your past that is directly affecting your future. And it wasn’t your fault. It doesn’t matter how drunk you were or if you’re a boy, girl, or anything in between—no means no. I can’t believe the word is such a difficult concept to understand to so many people out there. And you’re not weak—I hate that there is a universal misconception that men can’t be raped, because they can. And it’s unfair to say otherwise when something like this occurs.

No one asks to be violated.

No one wants to have their trust broken.

But it happens. All too often.

You are not alone. I feel your pain and your concern over telling the truth to your partner. The real question is: What do you want?

You have absolutely no obligation to tell anyone about your past. It’s your business, but it may feel better to talk to someone about it. If talking here with me is enough to lighten the burden of the past, then wonderful. If you feel the need to share it with your partner, then do so with confidence not guilt. This wasn’t your fault, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak. Anyone who would think that isn’t worth your time. I know that is hard to hear, but it’s true. Especially after what you experienced, you have to surround yourself with people who love and respect you—family, friends, and partners alike. There is no foolproof way to guard yourself, but one step is by knowing who respects you for you and who is a fleeting person passing through.

Whether you decide to tell her or not, I would recommend getting tested for STDs before you move forward sexually with your girlfriend or anyone else. It will protect not only your partner but help keep you aware of your body as well.

I hope you find comfort and closure as you move forward.

Whether you decide to tell her or not…

Know that you are not alone.

Know that you are not damaged.

Know that you are worthy.

I wish I could say with certainty that the events of the past will be forgotten, but I can’t. I can only be here to listen with true understanding and hope for you to find your breath again.

I’m here. Anytime you need to talk.

And in the meantime,

Stay Sexy. Stay Healthy.

…

My hands shook as I clicked the keys to publish the post.

Not as much as they would’ve when I first started the blog, but the adrenaline was still there. The cold still snaking through my veins as I carefully responded to his post. I had to swallow the anger over the situation, the rage that begged me to shout in all caps and swear words and go on an attacker-burning mission.