“I think so. I never remember them when I’m awake, except for little pieces.” Beq looked at the floor, light gleaming on her spectacles. “When I was little, after I first came to the Forge, I had them all the time. They had to put me in a separate room. It got better, eventually, but … not entirely, I guess.” She took a deep breath and forced a smile. “You can ignore me. Or wake me up, if it bothers you. Either. I just … I’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” Maya didn’t want to leave it there, but Beq was so clearly uncomfortable she couldn’t press her. She got up and climbed back into the bed. “If you need anything …”

“Thanks.” Beq stretched out on the bedroll again, setting her glasses beside her.

There was a long silence.

“Can I ask you something?” Beq said, very quietly.

“Of course,” Maya said.

“You’ve been … out, in the field.”

“Most of my life.”

“This is my first time. You know that, I told you before. Sorry. I just …” Beq took a deep breath. “Is it always like this?”

“What do you mean?”

“I shot that woman,” Beq said. “She was going to kill you, and I shot her. I spent a lot of time shooting blasters in the ranges under the Forge, I know what they can do to rock, but …”

“She was a dhakim,” Maya said. “You did the right thing.”

“I know that,” Beq said. “Obviously. It’s what I was supposed to do. My duty. But when I close my eyes I keep seeing her head coming apart.” Her voice was small. “I did that.”

“Beq …”

Maya rolled over. Beq looked up at her, eyes full of tears, and Maya impulsively grabbed her hand. The arcanist’s fingers were long and slender, as rough with calluses as Maya’s own.

“We saved people today,” Maya said. “Try to remember that. It doesn’t erase the … other stuff, but it matters, too.”

“Do you get used to it?” Beq said.

“I don’t know. I hope not.”

Beq’s eyes had closed, and her voice was fading. “I’m glad … I saved you.”

Maya grinned. “Me too.”

A moment later, the arcanist’s deep breaths told Maya she was asleep, though their fingers were still entwined. Maya shuffled the pillow under her cheek, closed her eyes, and drifted off as well.

*

When she woke again, in the morning, Beq was already up and about. Maya yawned and rolled out of bed. Her limbs ached fiercely but under the bandages her cuts only itched. Quickheal is wonderful stuff. After making sure she was alone, she pulled up her shirt to examine the Thing. The crystalline arcana looked the same as ever, but the ring of flesh around it was puffy and red, painful to the touch. That had never happened before.