Fuck.

I grew meticulous in herding, obsessive, counted animals until I became dizzy and forgot the count. Start over. And over. I determined those I cared for from those beyond my responsibility. I fenced off the strays, ushered them into small verdant fields, leaving them to their sullen business deep in flaxen-yellowed ferns and beryl moss, dappled with hillocks and jaded flat thistles. There’s bad land in the West of Ireland with its vertical drystone walls that criss-cross the fields.

I hate it. The rain-soaked greenness of the fields, glum Jenga-like walls. But I like order. I separated our neighbours’ sheep from ours, identifying them by their deep ruby-red markings. H. Dark indigo-blue oily targets on their rumps. Sheep skimble/skamble unlike cattle and at times they’d run at me, big woeful eyes as though they were running to a cliff’s edge or to the slaughterhouse.

As they cut all my clothes off in the ambulance I noted how very skinny I was. I was thrilled to see my hipbones. I wouldn’t have to Google Tips on Losing Weight for the foreseeable future. But I’d continue to chat to Google under the duvet. For solace. How to Live the Pain-Free Life. Doing the Proper On-Line Will. How to Control your Dying. Safe ways to Euthanise. Last Death Rattles. Irish Health Care Cutbacks. The Rate of Incorrect Diagnostic Tests. Outsourcing of Diagnostic Tests and Positive Percentage Error. Kefir Grains. How-the-Average-Mid-Late-Thirty-Something-With-It-ALL-Feels. The Perfect Dinner: Cheap and Superfooded. How to Stand Comfortably in Heels All Day Long. In-Hair Styles. Layers are Out. Structure In. Nail Polish Longevity. The Best Broth Recipe to Eat Cancer Cells. Chipped Your Tooth off Your Wine Glass? How to Fix It in an INSTANT. Best Fish and Chips in Galway. Why Galway is one of the Fastest Growing Foodie Heavens next to Glasgow. Why the Irish Love the Scottish but not (really) the British. How to Pronounce Quinoa. The Irish Treaty Commemoration Planned Parties and How We Feel About All of That Now We Often Shout for England in the World Cup. Dehydrating Your Nails to Help Your Varnish Stay in Place. Dehydrating Foods. UVA vs UVB Ratings on Suncreams. How Elephant-Breath is replacing Duck-Egg-Blue as the Hottest In-Life Room Colour. How You Become Antibiotic Resistant. Property Prices in Bulgaria. How to Enjoy Sex When You’re Sick. How to Enjoy Sex after a Botched Episiotomy. Are Protein Power Balls Actually Any Good For You or Do They Contain Secret Sugar? How to Get the Thigh Gap. Why the Ugly Animals’ Preservation Society is Legendary but the President for Life Element Uncovers the Dictatorial Fringes of Environmentalists. Doing an Online Will and How to Make it Toxic-Family-Proof. Doing an Online Memory Box. How the Sociopath can Manipulate the Elderly. Do Magpies Really Predict the Future? Are Magpies Prone to Sociopathic Behaviour? Detachment Theory. Is There a Way to Control the Anxiety of Thinking You’re a Sociopath? Keeping Secrets. How the Blobfish Mates. Cremation With Tooth Implants. Anxiety Testing Online.

Taking a Social Media Break.