Alex was always so gentle.

Something about him not having written down the food order and reading it back to me was new. And unnerving.

And if he never arrived back on the Ward, I would never blame him.

Chapter 19

Jane had fallen asleep beside me, and was eventually put back to her own bed and remained quiet for the evening.

‘How’re ya feeling?’ Margaret Rose asked me.

‘Nice to see you up and about,’ I said. ‘Shit, nasty bang though.’

‘Only a bang sure. Poor Jane. What’d she hit me with?’

‘Your hairdryer,’ I said and Margaret Rose laughed, and then coughed gently, moving towards my bed.

‘Look, Sinéad … loveen –’ she was awkwardly hovering – ‘OK if I …?’ I patted the bed and she sat. ‘I’m so sorry about, ya know, yar scan and all. Maybe ya need ta tell me ta mind my own business, but it’s just, ya hear everything in here. But I’m rally sorry.’

‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I know it’s impossible not to hear. This place.’

We both rolled our eyes.

‘It’s vary unfair, and yar young family. I’m so sad far ya. I knows yar not a praying woman. I wish I could do something more. But please, ya canny be keeping news like this ta yarself, ya need people around ya … yar mother, someone ta help.’

‘Thanks,’ I said again. Utterly lost for words.

‘They find your husband?’ I asked.

‘Ah, that lad, he’s never lost, not rally. Just disappears. He’s off with another woman. State of them.’

‘I know, I’m so sorry.’

‘Ah, I’m used ta it. But ya know yarself. It’s so shameful. I’ve a plan … of sorts.’

‘Good.’

‘What are ya going ta do? You canny just lie in here like this, hope it’ll all go away, because it won’na, ya know?’

‘Not much I can do, really,’ I said.

‘Well, that’s not true.’ She leaned over me, talking faster. ‘They said ya cud do something ta give ya longer, ya should think about it, rally. Yar kids’ll need time with ya, ’tis a terrible shock on everyone. Look, love, I have not a right ta interfere, but yar in shock … yar not thinking straight, love. Ya need ta think long and hard about the choices yar making.’

‘I know,’ I said, ‘I just can’t think straight. It’s too much.’

She stared at me, fidgeting with the bed sheet, took a sharp breath. ‘I think ’tis afraid of living ya are. No?’

‘What? That’s unfair,’ I said, uncomfortable now.

‘Is it?’ she said, lowering her chin and lifting up her eyes.

‘You don’t know anything about me.’

‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘But tell ya what I think …’

‘What?’

‘I think ya need ta get down off the cross and use the wood. Come on, yar poor boys, and that lovely husband. Ya have it all really. Ja know that? And ya shouting at him about eggs. It’s not right, shouting at him …’