Sinéad typing. Undo typing …

Ah nice. Fair fucks Joshua. Yup soz indeedy. U drinking?

Long Pause …

… A typing … not typing … typing again …

… No (Monkey covering eyes emoji times two)

Bullshit

… Just a small one, beer

Fuck. Ouch.

… Soz

Stop fucking saying soz. I’m watching Suits (Heart emoji – red)

… That shite?

It’s not shite. What you watching?

… Grand Designs (Small house emoji)

Liar

… I am, swear, repeats … the one where they build the house out of hay

Ahhhhh … without me (Sad face – one tear – most distressed emoji imo)

… SO Soz

I’m still horny (Aubergine)

… Wank to Hegs

GROSS (Green vomit face). Feel like I’m gonna die (Automatic coffin suggestion. Deleted coffin – fuck – fuck suggestions)

A typing … not typing. Long pause. A typing again …

… You serious? Wanna talk?

Alex would be sat at home with a large bag of cheese puffs, doors and windows all open, radio blaring, TV blaring, pale ale of some description with a wolf on the front, in a small can like on Australian soap dramas, but classier, and perhaps it would be a grapefruit beer (or blood orange of late).

I didn’t want a call.

Shane began to groan, his laptop charger had disconnected. I got out and plugged it back in; his eyes were not in focus, one was wet like a tiny pool of water on a beach far from the tide. He seemed way more distressed than before. I asked if he’d like me to put on some music or something, but he didn’t answer. His bag of piss was full, bright yellow, and I said I’m so sorry as I stared at it. And then I went back to bed.

Talking to Alex via text was much nicer than dealing with his breathing and humming and hawing and real-life him. He was more eloquent or direct in texts, and they allowed little room for me to get edgy. Emojis offered due emotion, quickly and without complication or effort. I was ever so grateful for them. Especially my mother’s, even if she sent them mostly by accident, they made her look utterly emotional, which was brilliant, especially the mad weather ones and the completely out-of-character, big bursting-red hearts.

No, too noisy

… Don’t die, but fuck off with the horny text. It’s your meds driving you cray cray

Most men would be thrilled to hear their wife was horny. Honestly, apple drops. Begging. Pleaseeeeeee.

… Not if they’re an In Hospital Wife. Horny in Hospital wives – not a turn on. They still make apple drops? Shit, I can’t rem last time I had them (Hospital emoji)

Lolz (full stop? Ouch. Bit much.) Yeah. They do (still make them).

… Nightnightnightnight. I love all your punctuation.

Night. A few bags, please, surely someone can sit with them?

… NO. Who? Now seriously fuck off. I love you. I’ll bring some tomorrow xXx