But he was mistaken in his defence for I wasn’t judging his party allegiance.

‘You know, I could just take him to Lithuania,’ Claire said, labouring the could. ‘I will actually just take him …’ she said, as though freeing herself and suddenly excited, ‘just you all watch me. In fact I just heard on the radio, that’s where the best medical help is, and you get respite because really, this place is a joke. Daddy needs a private room. Now. Today …’ And she clicked her fingers.

But nothing happened.

‘We’re doing our best,’ Molly said. ‘Your father gits a lot of minding, we’re keeping a close eye on him. Really no need to drag him out of the country, darl.’

Darl. Eek. This would be official complaint Number 1.

‘But of course feel free to go to Lithuania, naw one will stop you.’

Ms Jo Moran shot Molly a look. Claire curled the Irish Independent into her narrow hand again, and shoved it under Moran’s chin. ‘You really should put some manners on your nurses.’

‘Excuse me?’ Moran said, stepping back fast and putting her hand to her ear as though she had misheard.

‘I’m not looking for round-the-clock help,’ Claire said, backing off a little. ‘I’m a reasonable woman, nor am I looking for a one-to-one nurse staring in at him sucking on his ice-cream spoon. I’m looking for a private room –’ she took one big long inhale – ‘where I can shower and sleep, and a room –’ she took another inhale – ‘where Daddy can watch Prime Time with a little bit of peace … Now is that –’ and she slowed down and uncurled the paper, letting it fall from her hand – ‘is that really too much to ask for?’

It appeared it was.

‘Well, you’re his daughter. Perhaps you know best, and in which case, take him to Lithuania if you like,’ Moran said, and snapping the last words, ‘off with ye both, see how far you get …’ and scanning the Ward, she turned on her heel and left curling her own Wedding Cosmo rapidly in her thin hands, its glossy pages filled with promises of all the mod cons weddings now enjoyed, fish ’n’ chip trucks, crisp sandwiches, vintage record players, barns, dress-up, sweet stands, Chinese lanterns.

*

I took a Lithuanian bus trip from Vilnius to the seaside town of Nida as a student and for the five-hour journey, an old man sat beside me holding a small glass jar of honey on his lap. Squeezed together on the seat, I noticed how perfectly straight the crease in his grey trousers was. He didn’t remove his colourful anorak for the entire trip, and he didn’t speak, not one word. When the bus stopped to allow us a break, the man remained all the while sitting perfectly still, as we all got off to stretch our legs and stare up at the acres of dying trees poisoned by the cormorants that were shitting on them.