Back Armageddon Outta Here
Chapters (21)
  1. Title Page
  2. Dedication
  3. Table of Contents
  4. The Timeline
  5. Introduction
  6. Across a Dark Plain
  7. The Horror Writers’ Halloween Ball
  8. The Lost Art of World Domination
  9. Gold, Babies and the Brothers Muldoon
  10. The Slightly Ignominious End to the Legend of Black Annis
  11. Friday Night Fights
  12. Myosotis Terra
  13. The Wondergul Adventures of Geoffrey Scrutinous
  14. Just Another Friday Night
  15. The End of the World
  16. Trick or Treat
  17. Get Thee Behind Me, Bubba Moon
  18. The Button
  19. Exclusive Peek at the Dying of the Light
  20. Copyright
  21. About the Publisher

Scrannel pondered, then shook his head. “To be honest, no, it doesn’t. And now that I think about it, I don’t think she was even wearing jogging shoes. What kind of jogger doesn’t wear jogging shoes?”

“You’re an idiot,” Annis snarled.

His armour clanked when he nodded.

There was movement at the cave mouth. Scrannel scuttled away, and a young woman with tousled blonde hair, wearing a long coat over brown leather trousers and a brown leather tunic, stepped into the cave holding a sword in her right hand.

“That’s her,” Scrannel said unhelpfully.

The woman was holding a coil of thick rope in her other hand, which she let drop into the human remains at her feet.

“Nice place,” she muttered, almost to herself. She had a London accent. Annis liked Londoners. They tasted great.

Scrannel let out a battle cry, then he ran forward. The young woman didn’t use her sword, as Annis expected. Instead, she swayed to one side and slapped Scrannel on the back as he hurtled by. He ran into the cave wall.

Annis could feel her teeth start to lengthen in her mouth. “Who are you?”

“Tanith,” the young woman said. “Tanith Low.”

Scrannel charged at her again and she kicked out, slamming her boot heel into the piece of tin wrapped around his knee. He hit the ground with his insignificant chin.

Tanith ignored him as he rolled around in pain. “And I’m just guessing here, so don’t be offended if I get this wrong, but you must be Black Annis. I’ve heard an awful lot about you.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes indeedy. The blue skin, the nails, the cave littered with the bones of your victims. It’s all very impressive.”

Annis’s jaw dislocated with a loud pop, and her mouth hung open – impossibly wide – to accommodate her growing, jagged teeth.

“Why, granny,” Tanith said with a smile, “what big teeth you have.”

“You don’t know everything about me,” Annis said. “If you did, you wouldn’t have dared set foot in my home.”

Tanith shrugged. “I know that you’re under arrest, and I know you really shouldn’t resist.”

Black Annis laughed.

Scrannel forced himself to his feet and threw a punch, but Tanith struck his forearm with the hilt of her sword. The piece of tin that covered that section of arm now had a large dent in it. She kicked him and the corrugated iron that made up his chest-plate rattled as he fell back.

Tanith looked over at Annis. “I know enough. I know that sunlight turns you to stone for all eternity. I know that you’ve killed and eaten hundreds of people over the years.”

“Thousands,” Annis corrected.

“Well, in that case, you are doubly under arrest.”

“You shouldn’t have come here alone.”