Back Armageddon Outta Here
Chapters (21)
  1. Title Page
  2. Dedication
  3. Table of Contents
  4. The Timeline
  5. Introduction
  6. Across a Dark Plain
  7. The Horror Writers’ Halloween Ball
  8. The Lost Art of World Domination
  9. Gold, Babies and the Brothers Muldoon
  10. The Slightly Ignominious End to the Legend of Black Annis
  11. Friday Night Fights
  12. Myosotis Terra
  13. The Wondergul Adventures of Geoffrey Scrutinous
  14. Just Another Friday Night
  15. The End of the World
  16. Trick or Treat
  17. Get Thee Behind Me, Bubba Moon
  18. The Button
  19. Exclusive Peek at the Dying of the Light
  20. Copyright
  21. About the Publisher

Colm and Fintan walked forward, bringing with them an interesting aroma of dried sweat and boiled cabbage. They put the babies on the ground, close to Valkyrie, and the babies gurgled and made baby noises.

The goblins stepped back, rejoined their brother.

“Now,” Liam said with a snaggle-toothed smile, “give us our payment.”

“And then you’ll let us go?”

“Of course.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Liam shrugged. “A deal’s a deal – we held up our part, now you have to do the same.”

If things turned nasty, Valkyrie would only be able to scoop up one of the kids before the goblins were on her. The goblins didn’t look very fast, so she’d probably be able to beat them to the door, but it would mean leaving two babies here. She didn’t see any alternative, however, and the goblins’ patience was running out.

She tossed the bag, and Liam caught it and yanked open the drawstring. He let the gold coins spill out into his hand.

Fintan licked his lips. “They real? Liam, they real?”

Liam put one of the coins in his mouth and sucked on it a moment, then reached his grimy fingers between his lips to retrieve it. “It’s gold,” he said happily. His wide eyes glinted.

“Pleasure doing business,” Valkyrie said, hunkering down to the kids.

“You’re not leaving,” said Liam.

Valkyrie sighed. “Is this a double-cross?”

“That’s what this is. It’d be better if the skeleton was here instead of you, but when we send him your head, wrapped up in a pretty bow, he’ll come looking for us and we’ll get him then.”

“You have issues with Skulduggery?”

“We hate him,” Fintan snarled. “He’s the one responsible for turning us into creatures of slime and bad breath.”

“I see,” said Valkyrie. “Before you kill me, can I ask you a question?”

Liam laughed. “Go ahead.”

“Thank you. My question is, what makes you think I came alone?”

Liam’s smile faded. “What?”

“You know Skulduggery, right? You’ve gone up against him before. You know how smart he is.”

“Not that smart,” Colm grumbled.

“And he knows you,” Valkyrie continued. “He knows how treacherous you are, and he’s told me how you never keep your side of a bargain, and how you always double-cross…”

Liam frowned. “So?”

“So smile, goblin. Skulduggery Pleasant has been here all along, and tonight’s the night when he gets to kick your green and wrinkly little—”

There was a crash on the roof above them and the rotten wood splintered and gave, and Skulduggery fell through and hit the ground with his face.

“Oh my God,” he muttered as he lay there. “Oh my God, that hurt.”

Valkyrie hesitated. No one made a move, and no one made a sound. Even the babies had stopped gurgling. The goblins grinned. Valkyrie chewed her lip.

“This is… slightly unexpected,” she said.