I had known it was coming, this gentle refusal, but it still hurt. Sometimes, I think, it hurts more when you know an injury is coming than when it sneaks up on you. I cried and tried to hide it. Like a fool, I tried to hide it. “Laavi, I…” But I found nothing to say. What was I going to do, ask vim to come with me? Risk capture by pirates? Demand that if ve was somehow not captured, but instead by some miracle allowed to accompany me to whatever pirate port Sorcha and Shayat had landed in, that ve live a settled life in a settled town where ve would be confronted by the slavery of vis cousins day after day? Time is endless; this would be nothing but an endless torture.

The loss of Halaavi was a thing that swallowed me whole. It was a black thing, a terrible hungry thing. I tried again to speak. “Laavi, right now, in this moment, I wish I’d never gotten that note.”

“But you did get it.” Ve pulled vimself upright and looked at me. “And that’s all right. That is…that’s all right. I am happy for you.”

I dropped my face into my hands. “I’m sorry, Laavi.”

“I am, too. I keep trying to let the moment pass, to slip deep into the land, but it’s hard. It will get easy again, I know, but for now it’s hard.” Laavi laughed. “Maybe I should go with the Kivvni. I am in their harmony right now.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ve put a hand on my back. “Ariah. Vrala Ariah. You know, Kishva had things to say to me about the pairing. ‘Laavi, always a risk? Of everyone, you are drawn to vim, who has one foot here and one foot there? What happens if ve ends up with both feet there?’ And I said, ‘What happens if ve ends up with both feet here?’ and Kishva said to me ‘Laavi, if ve was one to end up with both feet here, you would not be drawn over.’ And you know Kishva. Kishva is always right.”

“What are you saying? You knew this was going to happen?” Laavi stared into the fire. “That’s absurd! I…Laavi, I would not have paired with you if I thought I would ever leave. I swear. Mercy, I wish…I wish there was a way to live two lives at once.”

“I wish there were no slavers. I wish there was no winter, only spring. I wish you could live two lives, too.”

“I’m sorry.”

Laavi tucked vis face back against my shoulder and sighed. “Me, too. I will carry you with me when you go. I’ll tell others things you have said.”

“No one will listen. You’ll lose your reputation. I’ve never said anything worth repeating.”