Vathorem stopped. He turned me towards him and looked me in the eye. “Secrets is all we are, Ariah, just great tangled nests of stolen secrets. He don’t know my role in this, and he’s not going to find it out from you, all right? Because what we are is a disruption. Society is built on secrets. We sow chaos, you and I. You saw that today. You can’t be blamed for it, but it’s a truth about you. The things I’m to teach you, they are the ways I’ve found to keep from ripping people apart from each other. A lot of it is that you have to learn to let go. Let them live how they live, even if it seems wrong to you. You’re judging Nali hard. I feel it in you. You have to get to a point where you see it and you have your thoughts about it, but they are locked down, understand?”

I didn’t understand. Or rather, I understood but I deeply disagreed. And I had a sense that he disagreed with what he’d said, too. “If that’s true, why force her to name Dor?”

Vathorem dropped his face down. A curtain of steel-gray hair swung between us. His walls flew up. I knew I’d touched a nerve, but what nerve, and why? “Ariah, I’m only telling you this once, so listen close. That boy is far more mine than hers by now. And this damned country, I fought for it as long and as hard as she did. I got my loyalty to Rethnali, I most certainly do, but a man has many loyalties. In me, there is Dor and Pekka, there is Dirva and Yohanni and one day there might even be you. There is Vilahna, and then there is Rethnali. Roots, Ariah. Think on your roots. Think on the choices you’ll make, the things you’ll do to keep them growing.”

Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

Sorcha and I fell easily back into old habits. We shared a bed. When I was not with Vathorem at court, I was with him. But the time I spent with Vathorem preoccupied me. The training was not so much a set of practical instructions as it was an effort to force me to face myself. Vathorem pushed me to lay myself bare, to inspect the nooks and crannies of my heart. He said it took remarkable self-awareness to be a shaper and live among those who weren’t. He was right. The hours I spent with Vathorem left me questions to ponder during the hours I spent with Sorcha.