Word about Fallinal and I spread like wildfire. In the Empire, it would have isolated me. People would have crossed the street and taken pains to keep from looking me in the eye. But Vilahna was not the Empire. The story spread, and it kicked up the old rumors and curiosities about shapers. Within three days everyone in Alamadour knew that the new tinker at court was the best lay in town if you could charm him, and anyone could charm him.

Vathorem tried to protect me at court, but there were times the queen needed him, and I was left alone. Sorcha took to walking me to the palace and walking me home again, but there were times he was out playing sets and we needed fruit, and I braved the markets alone. Within a month of my arrival in Alamadour, I woke up in the beds of seven separate strangers. Two of them were men. I remembered virtually nothing about the sex itself, which disturbed me profoundly.

Afterward, when I was myself again, I forced out questions. Where was I? What time was it? Who were they? How had it happened? Had I made the first move? Sometimes I had started it, sometimes I had frozen and they had started it for me. I could divine no rhyme or reason to the times I showed restraint and the times I didn’t. I was never brave enough to ask if it was an intrusion. Or worse, a violation. I am still ashamed I never asked.

I begged Vathorem to let me smoke. “I need it. It’s too much.”

“What, you think I don’t have to weather those storms? No. The herb’s a crutch.”

I was on the brink of tears. I hid my face in my hands. “I don’t remember anything. There’s nothing in it. I feel used, Vathorem. I feel empty and scared and…”

“And when you’re scared, the gift comes out screaming, which makes it that much more likely to happen,” he said. He sighed. He pulled my head to his shoulder with a thoughtless and gentle caress to the back of my head. I fought it, I fought it as hard as I could, but I wept into his shirt nonetheless. “Ah, Ariah. You are so open, and the world is so large. Do you know anything about dancers?”

I pulled away. As discreetly as I could, I wiped my eyes. “No, I don’t.”