Gilbert’s eyes glint through the fiery haze like he is a demon from the underworld. It almost looks like he wants to kill me, but a sudden change in his expression keeps that fear at bay, yet is no less haunting. He smiles at me.

“There is a difference between surviving for as long as you can and having hope,” he says as he picks up his pile of guns and stands. “I lost hope a long time ago.” He looks across the fire at Ethan. “You’ve got first watch tonight. I’m sleeping in the SUV.”

Gilbert storms away and closes the SUV door a little too loud for comfort. Ethan stares into the flames, still looking angry.

“I’m actually relieved he’s gone,” I say.

“I don’t know why I stick with him,” Ethan says. He looks up at me with a serious face. “You can’t listen to Gilbert. I believe you can have hope.”

“After today I’m not so sure,” I say. “Part of me thinks Gilbert is right, though I don’t want to hear it.”

“Then don’t hear it,” Ethan says. “What good would it do to believe there is no hope?”

I shake my head, thinking of Lucas, thinking of my parents…my older sister. Anyone and everyone that has ever been a part of my life is gone.

“Gilbert would say the opposite,” I say numbly. “What good would it do to believe there is hope?”

Ethan doesn’t answer.

“I want to believe it,” I say. “Hours ago I did believe it. I’m not so sure anymore. What if this town, Crestwood, isn’t everything we hope it is? Aren’t we all just going on a stranger’s word that it’s a safe place for people like us? We don’t really know.”

“If it’s not then we find someplace else,” Ethan answers. “That, or we build our own safe haven.”

“Dreams,” I say.

“Perseverance,” Ethan comes back. He takes a deep breath and sighs. “The moment you start to think you aren’t going to make it is the moment the enemy starts winning.”

“Lucas said something similar to me once. Look what happened to him.” I feel empty as the words pour out of my mouth. I hate talking about him in this way. It’s almost as if we’ve just been separated for a short time and that we will meet again soon. It’s so hard to think of him as gone.

“You can’t stop bad things from happening,” Ethan says. “All you can do is try to survive and have hope that you will survive. Why not have hope? It’s not like you can see the future.”

My eyes dart to meet his when he speaks, almost as if he knew something about me that I haven’t shared with anyone. But he just shakes his head and stares back into the fire.