“Be respectful,” Ethan chides Gilbert. “None of us could have known what was going to happen. If the raiders hadn’t shot, the greyskins might not have come. The raiders might have killed all of us.” He takes a deep breath and bends down to pick his stick back up. He pushes a few of the coals around, trying to rouse the heat as he sits back down.

“We’ve all lost someone,” I say. I don’t expect my voice to sound so thick, but I know they notice.

“Some of us have lost everyone,” Ethan says as he continues to stoke the fire. The end of the stick is charred and a flame clings to it.

“What else do you expect?” Gilbert asks. He looks at me. “I’m sorry, but it was only a matter of time for your dear Lucas.” He shakes his head. “It’s only a matter of time for any of us.”

“I don’t believe that’s true,” Ethan says.

“Believe what you want,” Gilbert comes back. “The greyskins are growing in number every single day. Raiders are patrolling, making these roads more and more dangerous. It’s only a matter of time before any of us face a shot to the head or the bite of a greyskin.”

“Then why are you traveling to Crestwood?” Ethan says, suddenly looking up at Gilbert. His face is red with anger. “Why do you get excited about finding a stash of guns in the back of the SUV? Why not just give up if you’re just going to take that attitude?”

Gilbert chuckles, tossing a pebble into the coals. “I’m not suicidal. Of course I’m going to try and survive for as long as I can. I just know my chances of growing old are next to nothing.” He points at me now. “I don’t get upset when someone like Lucas dies because I know it’s just a matter of time before it’s me. It’s just a matter of time before it’s either of you.”

I don’t know what it is…anger…sadness…but I can’t keep myself from speaking up. “Then why don’t you just take that gun of yours, point it at your own head and pull the trigger? Wouldn’t that be a better death than if a greyskin rips you to shreds? Isn’t it better than dying just so a raider can see what you might have in your pocket? Don’t sit there and pretend that you don’t have a hope for your future. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here by the fire. You wouldn’t be giddy at the sight of rifles. If you had no hope you would already be dead.”