As Freddie turned around with the two champagne glasses in his hands, a short, moustachioed man steamed forwards and knocked them to the floor with a crash. ‘You,’ he repeated.

‘Paul,’ the woman said, ‘what the hell are you doing?’

‘Protecting you, Sara,’ Paul said, squaring up to Freddie. He was almost a foot shorter, and I tried not to laugh.

‘Paul, my man,’ Freddie said. ‘If you didn’t like the champagne, you only had to ask for something else.’

A few of the guests nearest us were quietening down and watching the scene unfold. I thought I saw a pound note exchanging hands.

‘I’m warning you,’ Paul said. ‘Don’t touch my wife – I’ve seen the way you look at her.’

‘Of course you have,’ Freddie said. ‘She’s beautiful.’

‘I know that,’ Paul said, jabbing his finger into Freddie’s chest. ‘She’s my wife.’

‘We all find her very alluring,’ Freddie said. ‘Don’t we?’

There was a cheer of assent from those watching.

‘The thing we don’t understand is why she’s with you, when you’re so damned ugly?’

Everyone in the audience laughed, even Sara. I thought Paul might explode, and I stepped forwards to block his fist if he swung at Freddie.

Freddie waved me away. ‘I hear,’ he continued, ‘it’s because – not wishing to be crude – you’re hung like a bloody elephant.’

Another cheer went up from the audience.

Freddie slung his arm around the man’s shoulders. ‘So you see, you’ve got nothing to worry about, old chap. One look at my paltry member compared to yours and she’ll come running back begging you to roger her senseless.’

The audience stamped their feet in approval. Paul’s face turned red, then purple, then faded to a pinkish colour. He broke away from Freddie and turned to face everyone. The noise died immediately.

Paul grinned and grabbed his crotch. ‘Want to see it?’ he said.

The audience roared. Sara made a little moue of disapproval. Freddie slapped Paul on the back and smiled at me. ‘Thank you,’ he mouthed.

I flushed.

Freddie snapped his fingers. One of the totos from the dining room broke away and stood in the doorway.

‘Two new glasses,’ Freddie said. He was so unruffled by what had happened and I felt even prouder that I was his friend.

The toto disappeared, then quickly returned with fresh glasses, and Freddie poured me some more champagne. Paul was centre of a large crowd now, and I fought my way back through it to Nicolas, who was deep in conversation with a tall, angular man in a good suit. Several women in our vicinity were throwing admiring glances at the newcomer. I thought his mouth a little small, his nose a little big and his eyes too close-set.

The two of them were discussing literature. I hung back until Nicolas noticed me.