Billy strained as he tried to read upside-down, but Logan picked up the magazine before he could see for himself. “Allow me,” the DCI said. “It says, ‘Legendary 80s TV funnyman…’” He lowered the magazine again. “That’s nice, isn’t it? Good start. ‘Legendary.’” He returned to reading. “‘Legendary 80s TV funnyman, Billy Neeps, of Neeps and Tatties fame, this week welcomed the arrival of his first child, with his wife of over twenty years.”

Billy’s hand tightened suddenly on his cup, crushing it and launching a splurt of water several centimetres into the air.

“Congratulations, Billy,” Logan continued, ignoring the other man’s desperate attempts to dry his now sopping wet crotch. He clasped his hands together, and leaned closer across the table. “Why don’t you tell us all about your new wee bundle of joy?”

Chapter Thirty-Six

“Hey. You OK?”

Hamza realised he’d been staring at the front door of Jazmin McAllister’s house without blinking for a while now. He’d called in the update to Ben, then—as the SO—had started dishing out orders to the growing army of men and women in polis and paramedic uniforms who’d all come screeching to the scene.

He blinked at the sound of a familiar voice, and jumped in surprise when he found the pathologist, Shona Maguire, standing just a foot or two away, looking like she’d stepped out of a Hammer House of Horror film.

Her hair was greasy, lank, and hung down either side of her face like a pair of curtains you’d ideally want to keep shut. There were black circles under her eyes, and while an attempt had been made to wash them off, it had been largely unsuccessful.

If anything, in fact, trying to wash it away had only made it worse. The makeup had run down her cheeks like fat grimy tears, or some sort of malevolent supernatural ooze.

“Bloody hell. Don’t tell me you’ve died, too,” Hamza said.

Shona seemed to draw her head into her neck and shot a few embarrassed glances at the Uniforms assembled nearby.

“I do a video call thing. With a friend from uni. We watch a different horror movie together once a month.”

“And what, were you making a cameo in this one?”

Shona smiled, taking the jibe on the chin. “We get dressed up. Obviously. It’s a whole thing. We were about to watch The Ring when the call came through. I, eh, thought it more important to get here quickly than to waste time getting showered.” She gestured to her face, her words awkward and hesitant. “It’s not… it’s not inappropriate, is it?”

“Quite the opposite, I’d say,” Hamza assured her. “I’d just be careful they don’t end up putting you in the body bag by mistake.”