“I’m afraid,” I whisper. “I haven’t been able to tell you that. This has been difficult and you’re part of that. I need to be able to talk to you and know you’re not going to lay into me and add yet another layer of turmoil to this pile of chaos I’m trying to work through.”

After an interminable silence, he whispers my name, softly and with affection. “I’m sorry.”

Tears burn my eyes, but I blink them back. “I needed to hear that. I needed to hear your voice.”

“Usually, that’s the one thing people don’t want to hear.”

I laugh. He doesn’t join me, but it clears some of the tension.

“So what do Suggs and Betancourt have to say about all this?” he asks after a moment.

“They want me to hang tight.”

“I’m sure you had nothing to do with that.”

“I’ll be checking in twice a day from here on.”

“That’s good.”

“I’m getting close to some of these people. Decent Amish people who need to be able to live their lives without the threat of violence. Sooner or later, someone is going to talk to me, and Schrock is going to take a fall.”

He takes a deep breath. “At the risk of sounding like an overbearing son of a bitch … you know some of these cults can be dangerous.”

“I know.”

“When I was with the Cleveland Division of Police, I worked a homicide case involving a cult.”

“Tell me.”

“These cult leaders prey on people looking for something. The lost. The vulnerable. They offer security and friendship and a place to belong. They give people what they think they need. Tell them what they need to hear. Once they’re in, they’re isolated, indoctrinated, and brainwashed, and then it’s all about dominance and power. Most of the time it’s difficult, if not impossible, to leave.”

I think about Rebecca and Levi Beiler lying dead on the floor. I think of Abe Gingerich’s missing finger and the time I spent in the chicken coop, and I shiver.

“Are you sleeping?” he asks.

“I’ll sleep better tonight.”

“So … we’re good?”

“We’re good.” A sense of warmth pours over me. “I just … I wanted you to know what was going on. I want you to know I’m being careful and Suggs and Betancourt are on top of things.”

“Be safe,” he says.

“I will. I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

“I love you,” he tells me.

“Same goes.”

The lines goes dead.

When the tears come, I don’t bother to wipe them away.

*   *   *