“I don’t think so.”

He makes a sound low in his throat. He’s got a pretty good bullshit detector, and he’s not buying it. If he knew what Schrock had done, he’d blow his stack …

“Goddamn it, Kate.”

“Don’t ask me to quit.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I can’t.”

“Kate—”

“I’m tired of walking on eggshells around you when it comes to my job. I’m tired of lying because I can’t tell the truth. I’m tired of hiding things from you. Keeping things from you because you can’t handle it. It’s … stupid and dishonest and I need for us to be honest. I need you. I need to be able to talk to you.”

“You can talk to me,” he growls. “You know that.”

“How can I when you worry? When I know it hurts you? I know what it does to you and I hate it.”

The silence that ensues is thick with tension. It’s so quiet I can hear his breathing. The wind pressing against the windows.

“Look, Kate, I’m going to be honest with you,” he says tightly.”I don’t like you being up there on your own. You have no backup. No transportation. Very little in the way of communication. You can dress that up however you like, but it’s a dangerous situation. If something goes wrong—”

“It already has,” I cut in. “A lot of things have gone wrong. In case you weren’t listening, I handled it. I’m okay.”

He makes a sound of frustration. “You’re not bulletproof.”

“I’m a cop, and I’m doing my job. Maybe you should have a little more faith in my capabilities—”

“Being a good cop isn’t always enough.”

We fall silent. Closing my eyes, I wish we could reconcile this moldering pool of fear and worry that’s plagued us nearly from the start of our relationship.

“You’re right,” I tell him. “Being a good cop, being careful and following the rules isn’t always enough. Cops still get hurt. Sometimes they die. Welcome to law enforcement.”

He makes a sound of annoyance.

I don’t stop. “I know you’re worried about me and I’m sorry for that. But I can’t stop being a cop. It’s what I do. It’s who I am.”

“I get it,” he growls.

“I don’t think you do. Tomasetti, it’s not going to change. If we’re going to get past this, you have to trust me. You have to trust my judgment and my abilities.”

“I do. All of that.”

“Then show me. Have faith in me. Let me know you have my back on this.”

“I’ve got your back. Always. You know that.”