He moves to sit on the ground next to me, our hands finding each other through the fog of our thoughts and the ominous presence of Jenna and his sisters. He shivers and clenches his eyes shut.

“I looked everywhere,” he says. “I went to the beach and to the house. I went to all our favorite spots in town, with Alex. He came to help me after I rushed into the store crying. When we couldn’t find them, Alex got Val and we drove in her car and looked and looked. Val took me to the police station. They asked if I knew where the girls had last gone. I didn’t, but I guessed that, maybe without anyone telling them not to, they went to the alcove and tried to swim there. We were never allowed, because of the riptides. And that’s exactly what happened.”

A long pause ensues. The wind chimes cry through the trees and the leaves rustle their discontent. Behind Nolan’s eyes, a pack of wolves descends on a lost squirrel. The squirrel does not struggle as it is ripped apart. It thinks this is the way of things. It thinks it deserves this fate.

“After, all Dad was worried about was keeping it out of the press. No articles in the paper, no nightly news coverage. I hated him for it—strolling around in his rumpled suit, yelling into his phone—but I think it was just something for him to do. I think he still does it, you know? That’s why he never stops working, so he doesn’t have to think about the girls or me.” A pause. “It’s my fault,” Nolan repeats.

I want to say this isn’t his fault, death waits for no person and comes whenever it pleases, but I don’t contradict him. Sometimes the best way to absolve the guilty is to let them feel the weight of their culpability, no matter how untrue.

“When Jenna died,” I say, voice quivering, “I thought that was my fault, too. She offered to take me. The Williamses wanted to pay for me to go to Ireland with her to study abroad. They’re so generous, but I didn’t want any more of their charity than I had already taken. It was too much, too perfect, and not meant for me. I said no and no and no until they stopped asking. And I can’t help but think I could have changed something if I were there, like I could have thrown myself over her so we would both survive the crash. Or I could have stopped her from getting into the car in the first place by convincing her to try a different snack food from every place in town or something, instead. I could have changed the outcome.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Nolan says. “You weren’t even in the country. How could it be your fault?”

“Nolan, you are not a current,” I say. “A sulking, determined force of nature, sure, but you are not the current that killed your sisters.”