“I could have hidden, Amelia, and really, that’s what the world lets you do if you wish it. It lets you hide from anything that hurts or might remind you of your pain. It’s too big and too unwieldy to expose you at every turn if you truly want to conceal yourself. But I wanted to face the hurt and discover new hurts and rupture old ones. I wanted my George to know that I lived in his stead in a way that he could not have foreseen when he was alive, one that would have delighted him if he could see me. I opened a store that sold our two greatest passions, music and books, and I continued to give others the gift of playing music. It has not always been easy, but I did not want an easy, acquiescing life, the life many expected I would choose after George’s death. I couldn’t stomach it.”

Again, I say nothing. My bag is packed, so I sling the handle over my shoulder. I am stone. I am lava. I will not be deterred.

Valerie is looking at me levelly, like she knows what I’m going to do and won’t try to stop me. But she isn’t going to stand silently by, either.

“You must choose, Amelia, what you want your life to be. Only you can provide the courage necessary to tirelessly pursue your choices, and therefore it must be you who decides the path before you.”

If this were a different story, I would drop my bag and hug Valerie. I would announce my intention to stay and would race downstairs to kiss Nolan Endsley until he forgot about my ever leaving.

But this is the story of Amelia Griffin, who must now learn how to live in the wake of her best friend’s death. She must decide what she wants her forever life to be, not just her immediate life or the life she has pretended to possess for the past few days. She must be brave and strong and determined.

No matter how alluring, no matter how much my heart aches at leaving Nolan, I can’t impulsively upend my future to pursue something so uncertain. Maybe this was Jenna’s plan, to have me realize she was right all along. She and her parents have only ever wanted the best for me.

I breathe in, out, and will my eyes to remain empty pools. “Thank you for everything, Valerie,” I say. “I have to go.”

If she’s surprised, she doesn’t show it. I make myself ignore the disappointment I see in her eyes and walk to the elevator, leaving her standing in the abandoned guest room.

I don’t need a godmother anymore.