Monica doesn’t seem to want to let this go, so I think it’s time to actually address it and stop blowing her off about it. “It’s not that I don’t like him. I don’t know him. But I also live in New York and he doesn’t and I’m not interested in a long distance anything. I’m busy and focused on school.”

“That’s fair, I guess. I still don’t see why you’re like avoiding him though. You guys could get coffee or dinner or something while you’re both home. Christmas is a magical time and you just never know.” She shrugs again.

“Are you thinking about what Monica said?” The words are out of James’ mouth before I can even start stripping. I close the door to his bedroom behind me quietly. He drops to the bed and lets his arms rest on his knees.

“No, but I knew you were.” After the conversation about Brandon, I could see the demeanor shift in James. He barely paid attention to the movie, opting to be on his phone most of the time and he didn’t even text me. Once the movie was over, he got up and went downstairs sulking like a moody teenager while Monica and I watched another movie. It wasn’t until about one in the morning that we both came upstairs. I waited about forty minutes to hear the sound of Monica’s noise machine she can’t sleep without before I made my way downstairs.

“Are we being unrealistic? Thinking this could be something long term?”

My heart begins to pound in my chest as I let his words sink in. I know he doesn’t mean to hurt me, but his words cut deep as if they’re slicing through me. “It’s going to be tough, but what is realistic anyway? The beauty of life is we can create our own reality.”

“I just don’t want to make your life any harder than it has been, Gab.”

I hear the implication in his voice. I was adopted very young and while I wouldn’t particularly call my life hard, I did have a pretty tough sixteenth year. But it was my fault. I went looking for answers that I didn’t want.

Two years Prior:

“Are you nervous?” James asks me as we stare up at the last known location of my birth mother. I had started doing some digging into my past, wondering about my roots and potentially a birth father that wasn’t listed on my birth certificate. I didn’t know anything about my birth mother except for the fact that she passed away shortly after I was born, but maybe I had a grandmother or an aunt or cousin or anyone that could tell me something about this part of me that I know nothing about.