“You’re nervous?” Panic washes over me. Why does he know me so fucking well?

“No…I just…that was a weird comment. Sorry, did I make it awkward?”

“Of course not, beautiful.” He moves back towards me and rubs his thumb down my cheek. “I’ve always wanted to do anything and everything to make you happy. Give you everything you want, Gab. But…” he furrows his brow, “that’s one thing I don’t think I can give you.”

That one word blares in my head like a flashing neon light. “Think?” I utter it aloud, my heart pounding so loud I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it.

“Can’t,” he corrects. “I can’t give it to you. Even though…” He stops and my eyes widen at the qualifier. Holy shit. He…wants that…with me? I try my best to steady my breathing. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe he means…I run through a brief list of scenarios he could possibly mean, but all of them lead back to him wanting to take my virginity. My sex pulses. The word vomit pools in the back of my throat dying to escape.

No. No. No.

Make him say it first.

My mind is moving a mile a minute at the thought that James and I could possibly cross a line tonight and I’m drunk on that thought along with the whiskey coursing through my veins.

“James…” I whisper and bite down on my lower lip.

“The things I could do to you, Gab.” He drops his head back. “I hate that I’ve thought about it.”

“Thought about…what?”

His eyes sweep to mine before he traces his gaze over me running those piercing blue eyes all over me lasciviously.

“Gabby…” He rarely calls me that and I think he realizes it because he pulls back slightly and shakes his head. “I need to get some sleep.”

“Wait…what?” No no no, don’t let him.

His smoldering gaze still holds mine as he moves closer to me and presses a kiss so gentle on my forehead that I want to jump out of my skin.

“You can stay up if you want, but I’m fried,” he tells me as he stands and begins to clean up the mess of glasses and pizza on the floor.

I follow behind him into the kitchen, carrying what’s left. I set it on the counter before realizing it’s now or never. “James, look at me.”

His back is to me and I can see the tension in his back and neck as he drops his head. “No.”

I move behind him and put my arms around him so his back is against my chest, though with our height difference, it doesn’t quite line up that way. “You said we could tell each other everything.”

“Not this.” His voice is low and shakes slightly.