‘And?’

‘You’re right - sex isn’t everything. But it means a lot to me. I’ve missed it, I’ve missed you.’

‘John, I want you to read me very carefully, because I want to say a lot of things. If you miss something, let me know.’ Sonja sweeps back her hair and shifts on the pillow, her eyes watching me intently. ‘I didn’t go looking for Thomas and he could hardly go looking for me. He’s been coming to the shop for years and we’ve always talked because conversation is very important to him.’

‘Right.’

‘And you know it’s always been important to me. When we first met, you and me, you used to talk as much as you could. You always used to tell stories, you used to tell me the jokes the people at Elemental told you, you told me about your days, about Ian’s love life, whatever. You used to laugh and bully me into doing things like playing pool, going on the ferry, going up to London for the weekend. But you stopped, very slowly, over years, you stopped. Then after you got your pacemaker you were just silent. At first I thought it was post-operative depression or something but it didn’t go away. It was as if you forgot about me, as if you could only think about you and everything that’s happened to you. What was I supposed to think? What was I supposed to do?

But what happens when your heart is damaged? What do you favour? I'll tell you: you favour yourself

‘And so when Thomas — who couldn’t see me, who had no idea what I looked like — began to talk to me, what was I going to do? I didn’t mean to fall for him, that was never my intention. I thought we’d just meet for coffee or something. That’s why I didn’t hide away with him at first — because we were friends. But things like that aren’t static, they keep moving. We listened to music, and sometimes he would play his clarinet for me but only in private because he’s lost his confidence. So I began to go to his house and then I knew that we were more than friends.’

‘You said you didn’t have sex.’

‘Think, John, think. You said sex isn’t everything. Thomas and I were happy in each other’s company — we talked, we listened to music, enjoyed each other’s company.’

I can feel rage beginning to uncurl. ‘But I can’t listen to music — I’m fucking deaf!’

And Sonja — ‘You’re too damn big to lose your temper’ — reaches out and touches my lips, smiling. ‘I know that, John. But you can ask me to dance. You can come into a room and ask me to dance. I know you’ve been walking through life wondering what’s happened to us and wishing it was like it used to be. Well, when I touch you I feel blue, your hands are blue where they used to be wine. Make it like it was. Talk to me, ask me about my life, tell me about yours, about Ian, about work. Read things aloud to me. Your voice is changing you use it so little, it’s getting loud and flat. Bully me into doing things.’