‘No, I don’t suppose you did,’ I said, fussing around, getting out towels and soaps, anything to hide my rush of tears at the sight of Ellen — tall, rangy, handsome Ellen — wraith-like on the bed, hardly making an impression on it.

‘Where are the dogs?’

‘I locked them in the kitchen — I was scared they’d be, y’know, too excited when they saw you.’

‘Can you bring them?’

So I went down to the kitchen and lifted the latch of the wooden door and the two half-lurchers ran past me, fur flying — shit! — and I sprinted after them, up the stairs to the bedroom. When I got there, they were at the door, which was open, and they waited for me, tails wagging feebly at half-mast. They waited — they waited — until I was there and the three of us went in together and they went to either side of the bed to lick Ellen’s hands, resting their heads on the mattress, eyebrows lifting, tails still wagging. How did they know not to jump on her? Then they both slumped on the carpet next to the bed and I said I was going to check on the food so why didn’t Ellen get some sleep?

The food, to be honest, was not in good shape but it hardly mattered because Ellen, when I helped her down the stairs a couple of hours later, wasn’t that hungry. She only had a few mouthfuls of overcooked chicken and some beetroot and kale. I had built a roaring fire in the music room and I setded her on a settee and then cleared the kitchen. When I went back to her she was dozing, with the dogs lying on the floor next to her. She woke and smiled. ‘Sorry — this can’t be much fun for you.’

‘It’s good to have you here.’

‘Maybe if I sleep well we can go out tomorrow.’

‘Whatever you want to do.’ I stood up to go to the drinks cabinet and stopped, suddenly realising that I shouldn’t drink - what if something happened in the night and Ellen needed me? I broke into a light, chilly sweat and sat down again, fiddling with my cigarette lighter, not knowing what to do with my hands. This I hadn’t thought of. Ellen looked at me and smiled again. Tt’s only for a couple of days,’ she said.

And so it was but there’s no one else on this earth for whom I would have done that, except John. The first night I lay in bed, feet away from Ellen, unable to sleep, pulse jumping as my blood raced round in search of alcohol. I could feel my body working up into a tantrum with each beat of my heart and I thought of my night-time foray of years before, when I had drunk a bottle of Crown Royal. I didn’t sleep at all, tried to think of anything but drink and failed dismally.