So he’d escaped every night, thriving on the illicit freedom. A freedom he’d known he didn’t deserve, not when Arik would never know the same, or Gavin’s parents either. Still, he’d done his best to make sure the world knew he was angry, hurting, and racked with guilt. God, the stupid things he’d done, but he’d been a walking, talking death wish. He’d gone swimming in the lake by moonlight, alone, even in a storm with a three-foot chop. He’d stolen his grandma’s car and hit up the bars around the Cal Poly campus looking for easy, fast hookups.

His grandma had never caught on to him, and then she’d passed away right in the middle of his assholery.

Now as a dubious grown-up, he wasn’t still mad at the world. Maybe at himself, but he was slowly getting over it. And he sure as hell wasn’t going out the second-story window. He intended to go out the back door, but he found Winnie in the kitchen. She had the toaster’s parts strewn across the kitchen table. Her phone was propped up against the napkin holder, playing a YouTube video on how to fix a toaster. Sweet Cheeks was asleep in her lap. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” she asked.

“Okay, I’ll rephrase. Do you know what you’re doing?”

“If I did, would I have watched this YouTube video ten times?” She sighed. “Emmitt told me what to do, but I can’t remember all he said.” She met his gaze and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He headed to the door. “Don’t get electrocuted.”

“Don’t find trouble.”

He turned back. “What does that mean?”

“You’re heading out, right? I thought people in NA aren’t supposed to go out alone.”

Yeah, and he was also supposed to be working on his steps, making amends. “I’m not looking to get wasted.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.”

“Pinky promise?” she asked.

He realized she wasn’t kidding. She was utterly serious and also worried, which made his chest ache. “Hey,” he said. “I really am okay. You know that, right?”

“You keep saying it, but you lost your job, your place, and near as I can tell, all your friends.”

“That was last year,” he quipped. “This year I’m trying something new.”

She still didn’t smile, and he let out a long breath and came back to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her.

“Is this about the fight tonight?”

She set her head on his shoulder and pressed her hands to her belly. She was three and a half months along, and even with her hands holding her shirt tight to her, there was only a very slight curve to her stomach.

“I haven’t told Piper yet,” she said.

“Gee, I hadn’t noticed.”

“Cam wants me to.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And Emmitt wants me to.”