She let him hold her for a long moment, during which time she got his shirt all soggy with her tears, before lifting her face. “I’m sorry.”

He gave her a small smile. “Because you just slimed me?”

She managed a weak laugh. “No, I’m not sorry about that.” She drew in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much time trying to boss you around into a life you never wanted.”

“Hey, it’s never a waste of time if you learn something.”

She shook her head, not ready for humor. “I’ve never acted like your sister. And I don’t let you talk about Mom and Dad, and I’m sorry for that too. Or if I made you feel like I didn’t like taking care of you and Winnie, or that you were a burden—”

“You were thirteen,” he interrupted, pulling her farther into his room, sitting her in the chair by the window, turning for the bottle of Jack he used to keep on his dresser back when he was using. But it’d been tossed long ago. And wasn’t this a first, wishing for alcohol—not for himself, but to help someone with. “You were put into a terrible, tragic situation that no thirteen-year-old should ever have to deal with. Hell . . .” He rubbed a hand down his face. “If I’d been the oldest . . . Christ, I can’t even imagine that responsibility. I’d have lost you and Winnie, or accidentally killed one of you for sure. We were lucky to have you. Now please stop blaming yourself for my problems. I can be a sneaky asshole when I want to be, and I’ve wanted to be. But I’ve learned how destructive that is.” He paused. “Now you.”

“Me? What do you mean? I’m not in the danger zone.”

He just looked at her.

“I’m fine, Gavin.”

“You’re not. You’re still pushing away all emotions and reacting to everything like it’s . . . I don’t know . . . a job.”

“Such as?” she asked coolly.

“See? That,” he said, pointing at her. “I’m asking for feelings and you’re giving me calm logic. Do you know how much it sucks to be someone who loves you but can’t reach you?”

She blinked, and he could tell that her first reaction was hurt, and then resignation.

“I know,” she said quietly. “But sometimes, I just . . .”

“What?”

She closed her eyes. “Sometimes I feel thirteen again, and I just want Mom.”

Gavin felt the ache in his chest for her, for him and Winnie too, because this was way above his pay grade. “I get that.”

“I know you do.” She swiped at a tear almost angrily. “I tried to make it so that you guys wouldn’t miss their presence, but I couldn’t. Mostly because I miss them too, so much.”