“Let’s just say that I’d give everything I own for a pill right about now. Luckily, I don’t own shit.”

“Arik wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. He went with you into the jungle of his own free will, and if he’s anything like your current best friend, you couldn’t have stopped him even if you’d tried.”

Gavin lifted his head, unable to worry about the tears he felt on his cheeks. “You think you’re my current best friend?”

“I know it.”

Gavin let out a long, shaky breath and nodded. “It’s more than I deserve.”

“You know what I think?”

“No, but I bet you’re about to tell me.”

CJ held his gaze. “So far, you’ve survived one hundred percent of your days. Which means you’re doing great.”

Gavin had to let out a low laugh. “Yeah, well, great is relative.”

CJ gave a small smile. Because the guy knew what he meant, maybe even more than Gavin. CJ had suffered through life plenty. His goddamn parents had forsaken him, just up and kicked him to the curb not five minutes after he’d been forced out of the closet by some cruel kids at school.

At least Gavin had known his parents had loved him.

CJ had no such comfort. And in spite of everything, he had the biggest heart of just about anyone he knew. And he was staring right at Gavin, daring him to take notice of him.

For the record, Gavin was taking notice.

“I fell for you on day one,” CJ said. “You took my breath away with your wildness, your sense of adventure, and that wary who-the-fuck-are-you look in your eyes. Nothing much has changed.” He paused. “You going to break my heart again?”

Gavin stilled. “I didn’t know I could.”

“You think you have a lock on screwing up?” CJ started to laugh, and then sucked in a harsh breath and stilled for a beat. “Jesus.”

“Don’t laugh.”

“No shit.”

“You need pain meds,” Gavin said.

“No.” He paused. “You know you were my first. That I loved you.”

CJ had been Gavin’s first too. His everything. But even so, back then he’d been unable to fathom a real relationship. It had been beyond his comprehension. He hadn’t cheated. What he’d done had been almost worse. He’d up and left town with no forwarding address. And then he’d gone on to shove all emotions deep.

A Manning specialty.

“You destroyed me,” CJ said softly, and Gavin started to get up.