I turn my head. I can’t even look at him. “They say it runs in the genes. Violence.”

“Bullshit.”

I snap my head back at him and fume, “What the fuck do you know? You grew up on the set of some kind of unrealistic television show. The real world isn’t like that.”

Fletch gets up and crowds me against the wall. “You’re not like him.”

He’s too warm. Too big. “Back off, dude.”

Instead he gets closer. “You’d never hurt her. Hell, I can see it in your eyes when you look at her. I can feel it. You’d never hurt her. And you’d never hurt me.”

“I said back off.” Every time I close my eyes, I see my dad. That glazed over look he got whenever it was wife-beating night. The way violence smells. The sounds of it. “You don’t understand.”

“You love Penelope. And you love me.” There’s no distance between our bodies, but he’s not touching me. He’s just surrounding me. Taking up all the space. All the air.

“I can’t love anyone. I didn’t...I don’t know how. And I don’t ever want to learn.” I reach for the thing that shields me when nothing else does. A wisecrack. “Besides, when the fuck did you get gay, man?”

Only I look up and he’s not mad at me. He looks...sorry for me. Fuck. I don’t want his pity. I push him, but he doesn’t move. He’s such a fucking brick wall.

“We’re not gay, but we’re definitely not straight.”

“Speak for yourself.” Good one, Shane. That’d work better if you hadn’t licked the cum off his testicles the other night.

“Do you think this is easy for me? For twenty-two years, I thought I knew what I was about. What I wanted to do. Who I wanted to do. I never for a minute thought I had sexual feelings for you. I mean, I knew the minute we met that you were my best friend. It was like I’d been waiting to meet you my whole life and there you were. I didn’t have to be alone anymore. I thought it meant I found the brother I never had. A guy I could tell anything to.” He cups my jaw, his hand rough and so big. I try to turn away, but he holds me right there. “I didn’t ever expect what happened. But I’m not afraid of it.”

“You need to back off me, Fletch. I don’t feel the same.” I can’t look him in the eye. He’ll see too much.