“Makayla,” he said, real slowly. Jesse and José and Sebastain stepped back, not wanting to get in the way of whatever harsh kind of jawing we were about to do. “I got a question for you. I want you to think real hard about it, and answer me for real this time.”

“Fine, Jaden. What’s your question?”

“After all we’ve been through, after growing up together, after surviving the storm, after being your lover, I still don’t know one thing. Why did you ever let me be close to you?”

I wanted to answer that I had loved him. That I still did. That he had just about killed me that day he walked away after us growing up together, after we survived Bernice, after we were lovers. But I couldn’t. I had to be nails. I had to be nails. It was all I had.

“Let me tell you something, Jaden, tell you something real,” I said. My eyes were narrowed as I leaned in close to him. The kids had left the room, and I could say whatever I wanted. “When I left the shelter, I got raped. Some ori forced his cock in me on a sienty boat floating in the middle of a pool of garbage. When I came back, I needed to push that shit out of my mind. Fucking you was the easiest way to do it. So there you have it. That’s why I let you get close to me after all those years. To get that shit out of my head. Now get the fuck out of here, and do what you need to do to save Ale’s life.”

Jaden sucked his lips in and pressed them together and he stepped back. He looked like a deflated balloon. Every piece of me wanted to take back what I had just said. But I had to get through this, I had to survive. I couldn’t be weak.

“Okay, Makayla,” he said. “I’ll go.”

Jaden walked around the room for a minute. He was picking things up and putting them down, things that he’d left behind, things that were mine, things that were Ale’s. He seemed like he didn’t know where to put his hands. He seemed like he didn’t know where to put his self. He stood in the corner for a moment, every bit the big-eared kid from the block party in middle school. He’d shrunk back into himself. He let out a big sigh.

“Makayla,” he said, “Makayla. You could have told me. You could have told me anything. I would have . . . I would have done anything to make you feel safe, to make it be okay.”