Back Against the Loveless World
Chapters (38)
  1. Cover
  2. Also by Susan Abulhawa
  3. Dedication Page
  4. Glossary
  5. I. Kuwait
  6. The Cube, East
  7. Dance, Ruby River
  8. Um Buraq
  9. II. Iraq
  10. The Cube, West
  11. Six Months
  12. III. Jordan
  13. The Cube, North
  14. Unsteady Earth
  15. IV. Palestine
  16. The Cube, South
  17. The Layers of Absence
  18. A World Beneath & “Our Spot” Above
  19. V. Jordan, Again
  20. The Cube, Up & Down
  21. Money Softens the Heart
  22. VI. Palestine, Always
  23. The Cube, the Space Between
  24. Anatomy of Home
  25. Chaos Theory
  26. Harvest
  27. Homecoming
  28. A Time for Us
  29. Redeeming History
  30. VII. Between Freedom
  31. The Cube, the Unreachable Beyond
  32. Day One
  33. Week Two
  34. Week Three
  35. Weeks Four & Five
  36. Weeks Six, Seven, Eight & Nine
  37. Joy
  38. Acknowledgments

“When they lift the curfew, one of us should go water the almonds and olives,” I said to Bilal.

He looked searchingly into my eyes. I could feel words gathering on his tongue.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“We’ll water the trees, but then I am going to reverse the pump,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Sit down.” He touched my shoulder gently. He began rambling about chemical compounds with names I couldn’t pronounce and scientific terms like anti-androgenic that were meaningless to my ears.

“Stop. The only thing I understood is that you’ve been making compounds in the upstairs bathroom,” I said.

He took a breath and started again.

“Wait.” I stopped him again. “I have to go make my own compounds in the bathroom.”

He laughed as I hurried off.

This is what I finally understood: The compounds he was cooking up were called phthalates. They are anti-androgenic, which means they will feminize men and weaken their sperm. Androgens are male hormones. Phthalic anhydride is a phthalate. Phthalates are found in nearly everything we use, from glues and home cleaning supplies to personal care products, building materials, children’s toys, paint, and medical supplies. Years ago Bilal had synthesized a variation that turned out to be too toxic for consumer use.

“The right phthalates in high enough concentrations disrupt endocrine functions, and—”

“What are endocrine functions?”

“It’s the system of hormones in your body,” he said, adding, “Like androgens.”

“Okay, go on.”

He looked blankly at me. I stared back, until I saw behind his eyes and understood. “Are you going to pump your special phthalates into their water?”

“Shhh.” He put a finger to his lips and came close. “Don’t say that out loud. But, yes, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“Will it kill them?”

“No. But it might fuck them up.” He didn’t wait for my reaction before launching into a defense. “These people are trying to wipe away all traces of us. I’m going to do whatever it takes. Even though they pump poison and sewage into our wells and springs, all I’m trying to do is spook them enough to make them leave. So, yes, that’s what I’m doing, and I thank you for having the brilliant idea in the first place.”

I remembered the day we had picnicked, when I had suggested pumping our sewage into their water.