I go to the guest bedroom I’ve set up as an office and set down my laptop case. Kneeling, I dig inside and pull out the pregnancy kit. I feel like a teenager sneaking a pack of cigarettes into the bathroom as I tuck the box into my shirt and take it to the half bath downstairs. It takes me several minutes to figure out how to use it. I spent a couple of extra dollars for the digital kind. It’s pretty much idiotproof, and the results only take two minutes.

I take the test and set the stick on the counter next to the sink. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror as I wash my hands. A pale, worried-looking woman stares back at me. “You’re not pregnant,” I tell her firmly. “It’s just stress. Crazy schedule. You need a vacation.”

But I can’t ignore the butterflies fluttering in my stomach or the way my mouth has gone dry. I don’t want to look down at that tiny oval window.

I force my gaze to the test stick. I’m expecting relief. A moment I’ll share with Tomasetti later and we’ll laugh our asses off. The floor seems to drop beneath my feet, when, instead, I find myself staring down at that little oval window and the word PREGNANT stares back.

Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

I arrive at the station a few minutes after seven. I managed to avoid Tomasetti this morning, getting into the shower while he made coffee and then rushing out the door while he showered. He’s probably wondering why I didn’t at least touch base with him before I left, but there’s no way I could look him in the eye without his knowing something’s wrong.

I’m usually pretty good at compartmentalizing my life, doing my job without letting personal matters interfere. But I didn’t sleep much last night. The reality of what I’ve let happen is like a hammer, pounding incessantly against my brain. This morning, I’m sick with worry. I don’t know if my jittery stomach is from the pregnancy or the raw nerves that came with confirmation of it.

“Morning, Chief.”

I enter through the front door to see Mona standing at the dispatch station with her headset on. The Black Keys belt out “Tighten Up” a little too loudly. I’m inordinately glad for the normalcy of the moment. A sense of stability and control washes over me, and I’m reminded that the world, that my position as chief of police, is much larger than my own problems. Women have been having babies since the beginning of time. I’ll get through this. Tomasetti and I will deal with it. For now, I have to set it aside and concentrate on my job.

“Hey, Mona.” Feeling calmer, I cross to the dispatch station and pluck pink slips from my message slot.