It was weird, now she thought about it, that she hadn’t heard from either of them yet. Neither had checked in to see why she’d left so early, or if she was okay. She was relieved, in one sense, because she didn’t have to lie, but she was also a bit pissed off. The fact is, she’d needed them, even if she wasn’t able to explain it to them; knowing they were there for her would have helped, would have been a comfort on the train and now, sitting here, fearful of what lay ahead. It niggled at her, this assumption that her life was easy in comparison to theirs. Why should the obligation always be on her to arrange things and be in touch?

Luca stood and walked over to the kitchen to retrieve more popcorn. ‘We’ve been looking into adoption. We didn’t want to say anything until we had good news to share.’ He blew a kiss to Kai, who grinned.

‘Watch this space,’ Kai said, waving a spoon laden with cream.

It was food that had brought the four of them together, Nina realised. She imagined a lifetime of Sundays like this one, cooking and sharing food and being together. They were a family already. Unconventional, but fully formed.

‘You will be godfathers though, no?’ Flynn asked. ‘Good practice for when it does happen.’ He had an arm outstretched to each as he caught Nina’s eye and she nodded. She felt briefly caught off guard by how accepting of things Flynn was, when he’d only found out about the baby yesterday. It felt like they’d leaped from casual sex to a couple overnight. She didn’t feel ready for that level of commitment to him yet, and it was disconcerting.

Briefly, she pictured them all in a church, her and Flynn and the godparents: Luca, Kai, Jules, Alice. Regardless of her current annoyance, Jules and Alice would have to be there, as they’d been for Alice’s children’s christenings. Her family – Joanie and Liam and Carey – and Flynn’s sister, Luna. Perhaps her Aunty Niamh and Uncle Seamus and Erin and her family would travel over from Ireland. Erin was married now with three rambunctious little girls who liked to send Nina voice notes singing rude renditions of nursery rhymes (Nina enjoyed them immensely). But the picture still wasn’t quite right… would it be in a church? Maybe more of a naming ceremony thing outside?

She pictured them on top of the highwalk at the Barbican, or in London Fields, but there was still something amiss. What was missing from the picture?

Oh, the baby! She’d forgotten about the baby.

Old habits die hard, she thought, mentally cutting and pasting a small baby into her arms, Flynn and her closest friends and family around her. How would it feel to hold a baby and know it was hers? Her heart quickened at the thought. She put a hand to her stomach.

Nina had never told Joanie about her abortion. Joanie wasn’t anti-abortion per se – she’d joined Nina on a march in London to repeal the 8th – but it seemed to Nina she was conflicted. She supported women, Joanie had often said, but she couldn’t do something like that herself. Nina felt the sting of her judgement each time. Felt a distance between her and Joanie as a result. Perhaps if she had a baby, it would be a chance for her relationship with Joanie to strengthen? Since Joanie had quit nursing and opened her floristry, she’d been a doting mother to Carey, and Nina knew she’d make a wonderful grandmother. Joanie loved babies and Nina knew she’d love hers.