It was agonizing to think about everything I’d experienced in the past few weeks. I knew I’d still be thinking about it all for a long time to come. If Odell had lived, I probably would have forgiven him eventually. And I would have divorced his cheesy black ass as fast as I could. However, at the end of the day, I was in a much better place because of him. But that didn’t make up for the indescribable pain he’d caused me.

EPILOGUE - JOYCE

EPILOGUE

JOYCE

1940

WHEN I’D EXPERIENCED NAUSEA AND THE OTHER MINOR ACHES and pains the days leading up to the murders last year, it never occurred to me that I was finally pregnant again. I hadn’t missed any periods or gained weight, so I had no reason to believe I was finally going to be a mother. When I missed my period in January, I went to the doctor. He stunned me with the news that I was three months pregnant. I hadn’t drunk any neipee since the week Odell died. And I’d had so much on my mind the past few weeks, I had stopped asking God to bless me with a baby. I didn’t know if the neipee had helped me become pregnant or if nature had finally come through for me—with God’s help, of course. The important thing now was: I was going to have a child.

The first week in July, I gave birth to Odell’s daughter. I named her Estelle. With God’s help, I would do my best to keep her from being as gullible as I had been. I planned to tell her everything about how her father betrayed me, when she got old enough to understand. But I’d never tell her that I hadn’t tried to save his life when he was bleeding to death.

My labor had lasted over twenty-eight hours. Mama and Daddy had stayed with me at the colored clinic the whole time, and several more hours after I’d given birth. When they got sleepy, they slept in Daddy’s car.

My parents were pleased beyond belief to finally be grandparents. “It’s a shame Odell ain’t around to see what a magnificent gift he helped create,” Mama blubbered, with tears pooling in her eyes.

“Well, that sweet boy is in Heaven looking down, so he know he finally got a child of his own,” Daddy added. They stood over my hospital bed beaming like flashlights.