ALCIBIADES to Socrates

My love ! He’s blushing. Oh you sweet one! The wisest man in the world and he blushes like a boy! Hello, Antagoras, I see you’ve still got goldilocks, lucky you! And this pretty animal [ stroking the servant ], nice good animal! Oh Plato, written any poems lately, dear? Love poems? [ Plato turns his head away. ] Oh sulky! What a sulky pussy! What have you been discussing?

During his speech Alcibiades has inserted himself into the group, sitting beside Socrates and causing the others to move up. A little horseplay, pulls Timonax’s hair etc.

ANTAGORAS

Religion.

ALCIBIADES

My favourite subject!

SOCRATES

I imagine you wouldn’t call yourself a religious man?

ANTAGORAS

Was it you who castrated all those statues of the gods?

ALCIBIADES

Ssssh! The gods deserve to be castrated. Who are they to flaunt their organs at us ? But have you really been talking about them? [ pointing upwards ]

SOCRATES

I think we’ve passed beyond the gods. No one seems to want to defend them except me.

TIMONAX

Socrates!

ALCIBIADES

He’s a deep one. We don’t know how to have him! But where are we if we’re beyond the gods?

SOCRATES

Plato has been telling us about being in love.

ALCIBIADES

My subject too!

TIMONAX

He’s in love with Good.

ALCIBIADES

Is it mutual?

ANTAGORAS

He thinks that goodness is the same as knowledge.

ALCIBIADES

But I think that too!

PLATO tense, very hostile

No, you don’t. We can’t possibly be agreeing. Religion is the love and worship of goodness and truth, it’s a magnetic power, it’s absolute, and if we really love what’s good we become good, and –

ALCIBIADES

Oh Pusskins –

PLATO

You’re drunk!

SOCRATES

Let him say what he means. Come on, and please be serious.

ALCIBIADES

Oh, I am, it comes from the heart, to which dear Pusskins here attaches such importance. I will tell you what religion is. It is the love and worship of power.

PLATO

That’s –

SOCRATES silencing Plato with a gesture

Power?

ALCIBIADES

What is vulgarly called magic, but what I mean is something deep, as deep as you please, as deep as Plato.

SOCRATES

You’ll have to perform some magic yourself if you are to persuade us that power is the object, or essence, of religion.

ALCIBIADES

Well, call it other names. Plato’s very good at that, he’s a juggler, a magician, a little apprentice magician who had better scuttle back to poetry and leave philosophy to stronger heads. He says religion is the worship of the good, then he calls it truth and knowledge, and it’s magnetic and it’s absolute and – it’s all done by mirrors – by equations which hang miraculously in the air!

SOCRATES

Well, what are your other names, since you admit you can play the game as well?

ALCIBIADES